The Missing Pieces

So I mentioned in the last post that Kaitlyn was having potty issues at night for about a week or so off and on... Well I think I may have found out WHY!

A little back story: At church they have this cloth ABC Train zip-up book-like thing. Inside are little cloth stuffed animals with letters on the back of them. Each of them goes in the matching letter car on the train. Well, it used to be downstairs with all the other toys in the play area. Somehow it ended up upstairs in the back of the church where there are coloring books and puzzles and quiet toys for the kids to keep busy while we enjoy service.

Well, on Sunday 1/10/10 Kaitlyn found that this toy had made its way upstairs and she was playing with it and putting all of the letters in their correct train cars. She (and I, just from watching her play with it) noticed that there were two animals missing from the train. They were all there when it was downstairs!! So she didn't mention it but I saw her looking through the bins and all over to try to find the missing letters. She didn't find them... she still never mentioned it but I knew it was kinda bugging her a little(and ME! but I didn't say or do anything of course). Then this past Sunday she was REALLY looking for the two missing letters and I knew it was really getting to her that she couldn't find them but it's not something she openly discussed so I thought once we left church it was something she forgot about. Ya know... I thought it bugged her at the moment of playing with it but once it was out of sight, you wouldn't think of it.

Apparently, for Kaitlyn, this is not true! She has been carrying this around for a week and a half!!! It has been eating away at her and last night she had a nightmare about it! Last night at almost 11pm I heard Kaitlyn upstairs crying and yelling out "Stop!, Stop!" and she wasn't calming down so I knew it was time for me to go up and see if it was a nightmare or night terror and try to help calm her. Well this is when she told me she had a bad dream about looking for the missing letters for the ABC Train at church. She said she looked every where for them, she looked in both bins upstairs and they weren't there. She was telling me this all while crying and very upset. This afternoon she told me why it was so scary. She said in her dream she was at church looking all around for the letters and when she looked up everyone was gone and she was alone at church and that was what scared her. I calmed her and told her that this Sunday I would help her look downstairs for the missing letters and not to worry about it. I then asked her why she was holding her head and yelling stop. She told me "to make it stop" I asked "to make what stop? your head?" She then got visibly upset and said "yes, 'cause it's going all crazy" and she waved her hands around her head. So I reassured her that we would look for the missing letters this Sunday and to try to get back to sleep. She did.

I truly believe that this is the reason she has been acting out more the past week and a half, the reason why she has been having bathroom issues at night. Her anxiety must have been heightened this past Sunday from seeing/playing with the toy and perhaps that is why she has been getting stuck in her dog character the since Sunday? Could this be why she has been acting out even more and having tantrums the past few days? It seems to me that it is... that she has been carrying this weight around with her all this time and that those missing pieces are bothering her so much because it's not complete, it's not perfect, or whole. I know that feeling... I will throw puzzles away if they are missing pieces for a long time because I can't stand them being with the other puzzles. I absolutely HATE when toys are missing pieces, it drives me bonkers... I just wonder if she is feeling that because of her OCD tendencies and preference of order, perfection...

Again, thing that make you go, Hmm?

We're off this afternoon for a drive down to the Developmental Pediatricians office in Woodstock, NY. I'll try to update how that appointment goes soon.

Ruff, Ruff

So far today has not been the best day for Kaitlyn. She started her day at 6am with a wake up call from her bladder which caused her to have to change clothes and ultimately waking up the whole house and no one went back to sleep. She's been having accidents at night now for about a week or so every other day maybe. I'm actually sick of running out of panties for her and having to do extra laundry every other day! So I picked up some pull ups incase we need to use them for a few nights to help her remember to get up and go!

Anyway, getting her off to school was MORE than a challenge today but we did manage to get there just on time. When I picked her up, however, I was told that she was really good all day up until the end of school. She started acting like a Dog and then got "stuck" in the behavior/character even after being asked to stop. She continued to the point of spitting which caused her to get "in trouble" and to get a "yellow" for the day. The teacher said she seemed mortified by her own behavior and that she seemed unable to stop because she was "stuck."

She's always gotten "stuck" on things but it used to be with playing with things or other stuff... now that she is into becoming characters she gets stuck in them and ends up going too far. We handle her at home by ignoring/re-directing or telling her that "we're talking to Kaitlyn now" but she's obviously taking that behavior elsewhere... though I guess the more time she spends at school the more of the behavior they are finally going to see. I just wishing it would go away or get better rather than her seeming to be getting stuck in these characters more often. She's been caught up in being a dog for the past 2-3 days... to the point of completely not listening to us and ending up being yelled at or taking it to the point of doing something inappropriate and getting a time out. Some times she will go a few days only talking through her stuffed animal Mary and some days a robot or a cat. Sometimes she will get stuck being characters on TV and acting out episodes and will go so far into it that she ends up "going too far."

Is this just something she is going to do the rest of her life? We're going to have to help her get "unstuck" from things?? Will this type of thing be grown out of? Is this from the social part of her that is underdeveloped?? So many questions and only time will give us those answers, I guess.

I Can See Clearly Now the Rain is Gone

First I want to start off, because I totally forgot about this yesterday, with what Kaitlyn was asking in the car on the way to the mall!!! OMG! We're driving on the way there and all of a sudden from the backseat we hear Kaitlyn ask something... at first we didn't really hear her so I asked her to repeat herself - and got scolded! "I was asking DADDY!" Well... excuse me! lol Anyway, so she asks (after taking the loooooong sentence around) "how do they get the meat from cows?" WHAT?!?!?! I looked at Jon with bugged out eyes... because, like we're really going to tell her HOW they get the meat from cows? Anyway, daddy says "there are different parts of a cow where different kinds of meat comes from..." you KNOW that wasn't good enough lol She starts again... "No, no, no, Daddy... but HOW does the meat COME from the cow. Cows make milk, I know... but where does the meat come from?" Well this type of questioning went on awhile and we kept trying to get around it but finally Jon came to the answer of "well, I dont get the meat from the cow so I'm not sure exactly HOW." And I added, for good measure, maybe when you are older you can ask a chef! LoL It was crazy... she really wanted to know!

So on to the post! This morning seemed great, it's Tuesday and K loves school on Tuesday with the one teacher and only six kids! YAY! She got there, changed into her sneakers and went into the gym without a hitch! YAY again! Then... DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN... I picked her up. We got there and she was getting her coat on and changing into her snow boots and all that and then was yanking on me to get out of there as if she couldnt leave fast enough. She had the blankest look on her face, almost mopey and I asked her how her day was... she just kept her head down and said "boring." Which, DING! DING! DING! mom knows, is her default word for any "bad feeling." So... I tried to get it out of her on the way to the car, what was wrong but all I got was that she was "tired (yeah I could see that) and bored." Finally, IN the car, the truth comes out. I got her talking about her day with our *Rule: Must tell us 1 thing about your day. So she told me... and she was SOOOOO sad!!! She said "I tried to play and tried not to but I got frustrated." OMG OMG OMG OMG I'm freaking out that she is actually TALKING ABOUT HER FEELINGS!!!! YAY!!!!! So, holding it together, I questioned a little more and got what I needed! she finally, today, after all this time was able to tell me that she had a hard time playing with the other kids!!! Sounds stupid to be excited about that but it just means she is starting to understand it... that that type of thing doesnt come easy for her... that she will need help with it and will need to work on it! YAY!!! She's GETTING it!!! She's only FOUR!!! hahahaha

Ok so what I managed to get out of it all was that she had a fine time playing in the gym since it wasnt much back and forth play. Then they went up to the classroom and while they were playing playdoh and she asked for things and they were given to her or was doing things her way she was fine. THEN it got to a point where she tried playing with the other kids (not sure doing what) and they wanted to play a certain way and not her way... she said it made her very frustrated and upset. So I explained to her that it was ok for her to feel that way and that, for her, it's a little hard to play with other kids and understand when they can be so confusing. It is VERY confusing to her when at one point they will do "her will" and then all of a sudden they have their own ideas and plans!! She doesnt understand WHY they wont listen to her anymore or play "her way."

Anyway, I'm just glad to see that SHE is actually getting somewhere in this emotional/neurological mess she is in. There is so much hope for my little girl and she just needs the help and the push in the right direction. I wish we could get her there but it's going to be a fight to the end and I see it now. Hopefully over the summer we can get her into the program at Crossroads and she will have a fighting chance before Kindergarten!

Some Days are Just That

First of all Happy New Year! And thanks to my daughters Preschool class she thinks something is WRONG with her because she did not "see the big ball drop" for New Years! She's FOUR - she was in BED!

It's been a strange couple of days. Kaitlyn must have cabin fever or something... she had a VERY strange "Stim" day where she literally would not stop talking or NEEDING to do something and pushing ever boundary. We tried some "Pillow Play," which is some safe rough play for the kids (they get to be loud and jump all over pillows and off the couch into the pile and Daddy joins in!). However, by the end of the night we ended up having to use "compression" on her. Well I mean Daddy had to restrain her (lightly) and just let her wrestle in his arms to try to help get the "need" out of her. I don't know if it had anything to do with us mainly playing inside and then I took them out to play in the snow and the fresh air "went to her head" or what but she was having a rough time dealing with whatever it was going on inside of her.

Then yesterday we decided to take the kids to the mall and let them play in the play area. It's just freezing outside and they cant get much exercise there. Well there was a little boy there about Kaitlyn's age and he seemed to want to play with her (and the other kids!) and she really wanted nothing to do with him and did get rather frustrated (breaking down crying) when he was getting in the way of her imaginary ice cream store. So Daddy offered up the suggestion of "Closing up the shop" as a way of getting her to stop playing the ice cream store (since she was in a climbing thing in the middle of a public play area and we really couldnt KEEP people away from it! lol) and at the same time having some closure about it. She went over to close up her store and said "ok, ice cream shops closed up for the day!" just out loud but not to anyone inparticular. The little boy yells out "No it's NOT!" and says started to get upset again and said "Yes, I'm closing up my shop" and the boy says "well, mines NOT!" He didnt seem like the nicest kid around but whatever - I'm not his parent - I dont think I liked her much either, but thats a whole other story! Anyway, what I'm getting at is that that whole thing socially... just didnt work out well.

Then I noticed a VERY peculiar thing!!! There was a young girl there (preteen? Maybe 10yrs old) and she started playing around on some of the equipment with a couple of other girls. I noticed Kaitlyn all of a sudden CLUNG to this girl. She must have said Hi to Kaitlyn or something and then K asked her name... cool! However, Kaitlyn then started mimicing EVERYthing... and I mean EVERYthing this little girl did. The way she walked, any sound she made, the way she climbed on something, sat on something... it was one of the ODDEST things I have ever seen and we had to STOP her because the poor girl was going to freak out that this little girl was following her around getting WAY too close in her personal space and literally doing EVERYthing she was doing. Kaitlyn must have taken to her because she really looked like a much older version of herself! She was thin like K and had brown hair like K. It makes me wonder if K was trying to BE that little girl... or emulate her or whatever it's called. She saw that the little girl had a relationship/friendship with the two other older girls that had come in the play area and I think she wanted that too! It was amazing to watch and scary at the same time... because THAT is why kids think other kids are "weird."

We did end up having to tell Kaitlyn that she needed to give the girl some space because she might "get bored" of her following her around like that... Jon chose that word because Kaitlyn understands boredom... he thinks had he told her the little girl would get annoyed that might have been a bad thing lol! It did work and she would only periodically do the mimicing thing and Jon would remind her to stop and she did.

She ended up, obviously, being triggered by the whole play area thing and finally managed a tantrum and breakdown after dinner and before leaving the mall. I ended up just picking her up and carrying her (most of the way - Daddy finished!) out of the mall crying over my shoulder. For some reason she just needed to get that out! I really think she felt better after... it was interesting to see and enlightening at the same time!!