In a Dark Place You're Likely to find.....

A MUSHROOM!!!! lol K got her mushroom haircut back and couldnt be happier! She forgot her glasses when we left the house so she looks kinda weird, not to mention this is a pic from my cell phone. She's so happy with her haircut and getting to go to the Salon and let Miss Lindsay cut her hair!

So today was a little bit better behavior day... I think the meds are starting to kick in. We havent had any major blow ups today anyway!

Waiting on the Meds

So I'm waiting on the meds to kick back in here with Kaitlyn. Today I had to run an errand to the bank and she had a huge screaming tantrum for about 20 mins because she couldnt draw some triangles right. Here I am sitting with the man at the bank in his cubicle trying to fill out a dispute form and I have a 20 month old sitting quietly playing with his mittens and a 4 1/2 yr old screaming, crying and flailing around in a chair because of her lack of ability to draw the way she wants to... oh the joys of Aspergers. I just apologized to the poor guy sitting there having to listen to that and explained that sometimes she cant get control of her emotions. Hopefully he doesnt think I'm a complete nut or what I'm SURE he was thinking... "Cant this chick control her kids in public?"

Whatever... I'm going to get a T-Shirt to wear EVERYwhere that says Proud Mother of an Asperger Kid. Then when people look at me funny during a tantrum I can just open my coat and smile! :) Let them go home and Google it!!! hahahahaha

Ok just had to get that out...

Sans Meds

So I decided to take K off the Tenex as I didn't think I was noticing much improvement... well... I admit, I was wrong! There WAS improvement on it... not much but after her being off of it a week she has been a terror. Tantrums (the long ones again), screaming fits, all around nasty behavior and not being able to control her behavior AT ALL. Maybe it has nothing to do with the meds, maybe it does... but we started her back on and will be putting her back on 1/2 pill twice a day. The past few days have me worn to the end and there are times when I want to give up... but I know, for her, I cant. She needs me even if she is treating me terribly. I love her and I will be there for her through good and bad... unconditionally.

She's also having an asthma flare up so we're doing albuterol & pulmicort in the nebulizer for a bit to try to get rid of the cough and then I think we will finish out the winter on the pulmicort once a day. She must have gotten a touch of the cold her brother had and then triggered the asthma. If she keeps coughing I'm going to take her in to have her checked out and let them help me out with the dosing in the Nebulizer... maybe she needs twice a day for a bit to get rid of the cough and yucky breathing.

Anyway... hopefully we will see an improvement in her behavior and I'm also hoping in Jan we can get her started with a private therapist, work on getting her more services through the school district and/or getting her into Crossroads so she can get some intensive treatment.

We'll just have to see how the new year will go.

Holiday Letter

Though I think this "Letter" should be rewritten for ANY time you're going to see family it really brought tears to my eyes because if Kaitlyn could, this is what she would be saying!!!

Holiday Letter
This article appeared in the holiday 1999 issue of ASAP News! (Volume 3.5) The Autism Support and Advocacy Project, and Potential Unlimited Publishing.
"Dear Family and Friends:" was written for the purpose of it being sent to relatives and hosts of holiday gatherings who might need a crash course in what to expect from their guest with autism.

"Dear Family and Friends: " I understand that we will be visiting each other for the holidays this year! Sometimes these visits can be very hard for me, but here is some information that might help our visit to be more successful. As you probably know, I am challenged by a hidden disability called Autism, or what some people refer to as a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). Autism/PDD is a neurodevelopmental disorder which makes it hard for me to understand the environment around me. I have barriers in my brain that you can't see, but which make it difficult for me to adapt to my surroundings.

Sometimes I may seem rude and abrupt, but it is only because I have to try so hard to understand people and at the same time, make myself understood. People with autism have different abilities: Some may not speak, some write beautiful poetry. Others are whizzes in math (Albert Einstein was thought to be autistic), or may have difficulty making friends. We are all different and need various degrees of support.

Sometimes when I am touched unexpectedly, it might feel painful and make me want to run away. I get easily frustrated, too. Being with lots of other people is like standing next to a moving freight train and trying to decide how and when to jump aboard. I feel frightened and confused a lot of the time. This is why I need to have things the same as much as possible. Once I learn how things happen, I can get by OK. But if something, anything, changes, then I have to relearn the situation all over again! It is very hard.

When you try to talk to me, I often can't understand what you say because there is a lot of distraction around. I have to concentrate very hard to hear and understand one thing at a time. You might think I am ignoring you--I am not. Rather, I am hearing everything and not knowing what is most important to respond to.

Holidays are exceptionally hard because there are so many different people, places, and things going on that are out of my ordinary realm. This may be fun and adventurous for most people, but for me, it's very hard work and can be extremely stressful. I often have to get away from all the commotion to calm down. It would be great if you had a private place set up to where I could retreat.

If I can not sit at the meal table, do not think I am misbehaved or that my parents have no control over me. Sitting in one place for even five minutes is often impossible for me. I feel so antsy and overwhelmed by all the smells, sounds, and people--I just have to get up and move about. Please don't hold up your meal for me--go on without me, and my parents will handle the situation the best way they know how.

Eating in general is hard for me. If you understand that autism is a sensory processing disorder, it's no wonder eating is a problem! Think of all the senses involved with eating. Sight, smell, taste, touch, AND all the complicated mechanics that are involved. Chewing and swallowing is something that a lot of people with autism have trouble with. I am not being picky--I literally cannot eat certain foods as my sensory system and/or oral motor coordination are impaired.

Don't be disappointed If Mom hasn't dressed me in starch and bows. It's because she knows how much stiff and frilly clothes can drive me buggy! I have to feel comfortable in my clothes or I will just be miserable. When I go to someone else's house, I may appear bossy and controlling. In a sense, I am being controlling, because that is how I try to fit into the world around me (which is so hard to figure out!) Things have to be done in a way I am familiar with or else I might get confused and frustrated. It doesn't mean you have to change the way you are doing things--just please be patient with me, and understanding of how I have to cope. Mom and Dad have no control over how my autism makes me feel inside. People with autism often have little things that they do to help themselves feel more comfortable. The grown ups call it "self regulation," or "stimming'. I might rock, hum, flick my fingers, or any number of different things. I am not trying to be disruptive or weird. Again, I am doing what I have to do for my brain to adapt to your world. Sometimes I cannot stop myself from talking, singing, or doing an activity I enjoy. The grown-ups call this "perseverating" which is kinda like self regulation or stimming. I do this only because I have found something to occupy myself that makes me feel comfortable. Perseverative behaviors are good to a certain degree because they help me calm down.

Please be respectful to my Mom and Dad if they let me "stim" for awhile as they know me best and what helps to calm me. Remember that my Mom and Dad have to watch me much more closely than the average child. This is for my own safety, and preservation of your possessions. It hurts my parents' feelings to be criticized for being over protective, or condemned for not watching me close enough. They are human and have been given an assignment intended for saints. My parents are good people and need your support. Holidays are filled with sights sounds, and smells. The average household is turned into a busy, frantic, festive place. Remember that this may be fun for you, but it's very hard work for me to conform. If I fall apart or act out in a way that you consider socially inappropriate, please remember that I don't possess the neurological system that is required to follow some social rules. I am a unique person--an interesting person. I will find my place at this Celebration that is comfortable for us all, as long as you'll try to view the world through my eyes!"

I thank, with all of my heart, whomever wrote this.

Bouncing Ball

Really this will be short... Kaitlyn was BOUNCING off the walls the entire day Christmas Eve and yesterday. I have no idea why she was acting out so badly but she was being rude and talking back and not listening. She was getting Time Outs over and over and just overall a complete mess.

Christmas morning was good, she loved all her presents.

Oh the Screaming!!!!!!!!!!!

All night... Screaming.... Screaming... SCREAMING!!! K is not feeling well and her stomach hurts but with her sensory issues (and flashbacks of reflux puking I'm sure) she cant tell if her tummy hurts to puke or poop and so all she does is SCREAM... why is that her only response to things.... SCREAMING!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH I can't take anymore tonight. I just gave her some Pepto in hopes that if it is one or the other it will take care of it and she will feel a little better and be able to go to bed and not be screaming out all night keeping her brother awake - or me for that matter.

I'm so terribly exhausted from everything these past few days and I'm barely making it to Noon before I crash from exhaustion. I'm heading to bed here in about 5 mins with the kids!

Wish us luck that this is just something she ate and she will be all better in the morning. She has dance and the Christmas Pageant rehersal at Church tomorrow! Ok off to get these guys to bed.

What a Tightly Capped Bottle!

Well we went to Long Island this past weekend and went into NY City to see the tree. There were tons of people, lights, we rode the train and the subway which were also cramped and crowded. Kaitlyn (though we know she needed to) did so good and held it all in and controlled herself so well! She was SO overstimulated but didnt want to lose control and misbehave. I'm so proud of her!! You could see she was a balloon ready to pop! She also handled having the family over Sunday morning to Grandma's like a champ. She was a little snippy and her brain was so stressed and she was a wreck inside she couldnt even think to write letters or numbers correctly. The poor girl was writing backwards because she couldnt focus! It was crazy to see her doing that. I was told the scientific reasoning behind that and it was interesting that I noticed. It's pretty much that her amygdala was getting all the blood flow and therefor there was only a little going to her hippocapmus. Yes, I've been learning about the brain lately!! lol :) Anyway, by the end of the day Sunday we finally got the tantrums we'd been waiting for. She had one in the bathroom at Grandma's for about 20 mins and then another one for about 20 mins again in the car while strapped in her carseat. She really needed those for a release but she tried so hard NOT to have them. I'm proud of her but then there are times where we can see how bad she needs to release the stress and tension and we WANT her to have a tantrum! It's all crazy!

I am going to be doing some more reading on this whole amygdala/hippocampus thing because it amazes me that I can see things in people and know whats going on and then there are scientific reasons behind what I am seeing and noticing. I really do need to be a therapist... maybe one day when I'm older and the kids are in school I can move into that profession... we'll see!

Lights, Camera, Action!

Well... since we went to Long Island last we've had a couple of rough weeks with behavior. Tantrums, nightmares and just overall irritability and easily set off. Just yesterday IN Wal-Mart Kaitlyn had the hugest meltdown. She started arguing with her brother over something - she didnt want him touching it - and so I took it away. My goodness did she ever BLOW UP! She was in the basket part of the cart and started crying (of course, thats normal!) and escalated to her kicking, screaming, thrashing around shaking the cart and all kinds of craziness while I simply walked along doing my shopping. I was sure to calmly tell her "her behavior is inappropriate" but other than that, I was unresponsive. It makes me wonder what people must be thinking to see a kid Kaitlyn's age doing that and me just walking along like nothing is going on!!! hahahahaha Anyway, all the crying and screaming got Tyler upset so HE started crying and freaking out... so there I was, walking in Wal-Mart with TWO screaming kids in my cart! hahahaha After the 20 min? or so ordeal little miss Kaitlyn was still upset but had run out of energy I think with all the hard work she was doing to shake around the cart and everything. She then just cried the rest of the time and began the begging me for a hug and kiss to make her feel better and she just kept saying "I'm sorry mommy," "I'm really sorry mommy for doing what I did, I dont like it," and "I dont want to do that, I was sad about the Candy canes, I'm sorry mommy." She was saying all of this VERY quietly while crying in the cart... not sure if it was REALLY to me or just her talking out loud to herself??? I wonder if I could get the Security tapes from yesterday?!?!?!? hahahaha Just to be on the outside seeing that happening would be interesting!

Kaitlyn did have her Dance Studio Holiday Party this past Monday (12/7) and they did the same dance routine as last year and Kaitlyn was so scared (she told me) she stood there with her hands to her face and didnt do any of the dance really... I spoke with the Dr about the drastic change from last year when she did EVERY move. We came to the conclusion that she is more aware of her anxiety - especially when she tells me "it felt like all the people were looking at me." So we'll see how the rest of the dance shows go from here. She did tell me she likes dancing on the stage just not on the roller rink, which is where there little holiday thing was. All we can do is wait.

Anyway, once again we're headed to Long Island this weekend so I'm sure I'll have more than a few days filled with tantrumish behavior once we're back. It's a short trip so hopefully it's a short run after! I hate when there are changes in the routine but we need to get this overwith so we can have a few weeks at home with uninterrupted routine to see how she is really doing. She is on .5mg of the Tenex in the am and now we added the pm. If we still see no change in her by the end of December we're going to pull back and take her off the meds and see how she is then and figure out what to do from there.

I've also been doing a lot of looking around into where we can get money to get her into the program at Crossroads Center to get her some real help. She is going to be starting with the Social Worker the school is providing today! She will be getting that whole 30 mins per week at school but we did ask the girl if she would come here, to a "safe" and "familiar" enviroment to meet Kaitlyn rather than just going to the school. I've also contacted a lawyer to see what kind of options we have as well... I'll update once I know more, right now everything is so "up in the air."

Oh tomorrow is also the annual trip to NYC to see the tree... I just KNOW thats going to be Sensory overload... all the people, the lights?? Yeah... thats going to be an AWESOME tantrum waiting to happen!!!

Mysteries of Moon Phases

I am fully convinced that Kaitlyn's moods are connected to the phases of the moon. It's a full moon today/tonight and poor Kaitlyn has been "losing it" all day and been having screaming tantrums about NOTHING. Tonight the biggest "fit" was about WHERE she wanted to eat dinner. She screamed and cried about not wanting to eat at the table. I'm not sure where it came from, either. Then after about an hour of screaming (she's started throwing things now too) she came to me crying and begging for a hug and said she was sorry couldnt stay in control (not exactly her words). The poor kid... had to put her to bed a little early (can only handle so much screaming), dragged her up the stairs screaming, put her in her bed - a few times - where she continued to scream and thrash around... all of that because of her brother touching puzzle pieces which I warned her of before she started playing with it.

We did just get back yesterday from a 4 day trip to Grandma's and I'm sure being all thrown off whatever sort of routine we had was hard for her and coming back to it must be harder. I wish there was a magic button sometimes to just make it all better. Hopefully after a couple days of being back home and back to the routine she will settle back down.

One Sick Little Mama!

For the past two weeks or so Kaitlyn has been sick sick sick!! She got the flu back on Nov 5th and that lasted about 5 days of horribleness and it never got better! She ended up in urgent care only to find out the Flu caused Ear infections and Bronchitis (well what was thought to be anyway) and she was dehydrated. She was put on a Z-Pack to try to get rid of the Upper Respiratory stuff. I tried my best to get her to drink and hydrate for another day and we ended up spending the night in the ER with IV fluids because of the dehydration. That is when we found out she had a UTI and she was then put on Bactrim. Well we finished up those meds and Kaitlyn was still coughing and tired all the time and complaining of pain and so I took her back in to the Pediatrician where we found that the Bronchitis was actually pretty bad wheezing and asthma and she was then (in the office) started on a Nebulizer with Albuterol and Pulmicort. She was also given oral Steriods (Predisone) for 5 daysto help the inflamation in her lungs. We have been doing the Nebulizer treatments twice a day for a week. During all this fun stuff Kaitlyn started complaining about her back hurting and it hurting to pee again so we found that the Bactrim they gave us was not the right med and she needed yet another script for Duricef.

Today we had a check up again for her and we need to finish out the UTI meds before we know she is clear and we started an Asthma Action Plan! We're going to continue the Nebulizer twice a day with only the Pulmicort, unless she gets a cold and clogged up and we need to use the Albuterol. This will go for 3 more weeks and if there are no colds in the 3 weeks we can stop the Nebulizer until she might need it again. If she does happen to get sick in the next month we might end up using the Nebulizer all winter. We did get lucky and the Dr's office had a mask so I dont have to hold it for her anymore! :) Hopefully she gets used to it... it's new so she's having a hard time but we will get there.

I think that about catches us up! We're heading down to Long Island to celebrate Thanksgiving on Thursday and for the weekend so we'll have to update again after that!

School District Meeting...

First of all... here is the low down: Kaitlyn will be staying in her current PreK class, and getting a social worker once a week for 30 mins to help her with some social play therapy type stuff. They want to do every other week at school and then the other week at the house.

So pretty much we're getting nothing. We were not happy (or completely unhappy) with the meeting. We felt bullied and not really listened to and were offended by some of the very inappropriate words chosen by Nancy. We did not argue too much with the decision, mainly because the Comittee Chairperson barely let us talk or even try to argue but because we were told that the 30 min visits would happen in the class and Kaitlyn would not be taken out of the class and made to feel odd or different. I'm not sure I believe it but at this point we're going to wait and see what happens.

I dont understand their thinking in not intensively helping Kaitlyn NOW since she is "gifted or a Genius" as they put it and she can learn now. They said that she will go in a Kindergarten class with mixed (Special needs & nuerotypical) kids and a regular and special ed teacher and that will be where she gets the most help... I'm not sure if it has to do with money (probably!) but I just dont get that part.

We dont think Nancy, the Chairperson, has ever been to Crossroads because she said her whole VERY inappropriate piece about not sending Kaitlyn there and why and she said "you really should see these types of places before you think about sending your child there." and Jon spoke up with "actually, we HAVE been there and saw the class that Kaitlyn would be in and we saw NONE of what you are describing but just the opposite." That was when her mouth about hit the floor and she started to stumble over her words and said that we must have gone at a different time then she did hahahaha it was quite funny, actually!

We decided to give this a shot and if this is not helping/working then we will set up another meeting and tell them she needs more and/or figure out what to do from there.

Regulation of the Circadian Rhythms

Hahahahaha wondering what that title means? Well here ya go!

Melatonin (pronounced /ˌmɛləˈtoʊnɪn/ also known chemically as N-acetyl-5-methoxytryptamine, is a naturally occurring hormone found in animals and in some other living organisms, including algae. Circulating levels vary in a daily cycle, and melatonin is important in the regulation of the circadian rhythms of several biological functions. Melatonin produced in the pineal gland, which is outside of the blood-brain barrier, acts as an endocrine hormone since it is released into the blood. By contrast, melatonin produced by the retina and the gastrointestinal (GI) tract acts as a paracrine hormone. The melatonin signal forms part of the system that regulates the sleep-wake cycle by chemically causing drowsiness and lowering the body temperature.

The Melatonin has been working GREAT for Kaitlyn! My little girl hs never shown signs of tiredness. Would never yawn and lay on the couch and say "I need to rest my eyes for a bit..." lol and now with the Melatonin she does all that and goes right up to bed (thats not to say she doesnt fight going up to bed or have tantrums - we still get that) and she doesnt play around for 2 hours in bed before going to sleep... she lays down and GOES TO SLEEP!!!! I just love it... it's so much better for her and me! She's not getting out of bed and coming out of her room to because she has to "tell me just one more thing." So I'm very happy that she is getting good sleep now. She's also still waking up at the same time in the morning and sometimes I even have to wake her up!!

There is one downside, if you will, to this sleeping so well thing. She has to relearn now how to feel when she has to go potty in the middle of the night and be able to wake up so we've decided to put Pull-ups on at night so we dont have to change clothes and sheets in the middle of the night every night! That was getting to be a pain! So we'll retrain her little body to know she has to go and that it has to wake up in the middle of the night to go. I think after that we'll be all good!

As for the Tenex... I know I said wasnt going to update until after a week but I just wanted to mention something. I'm not sure if it's the meds or what but this morning when I took Kaitlyn to school we got up there and there were a lot of kids and parents in the coat room. Normally she will hide behind me or under a table or something because she is so nervous... well this morning she was all happy and springy and acting like a little clown making everyone laugh! She even said goodbye to me and her brother and just went into class! It was the first time (besides the first day) that she has done that!! So... hopefully this is the side effect of the meds and she isnt feeling as anxious and stuff.

Yesterday Kaitlyn was having a "bad transition" day and when I was there to pick her up she didnt want to leave the playground and ended up starting a tantrum while clinging to the fence. That continued all the way home and I had to fight with her (literally put my body weight on her) to get her in her carseat while she was screaming and kicking. I do have to say that since we are handling her tantrums a little differently these days, the other two she had yesterday were short-lived. The one from school to home was the biggest and longest yesterday!

Progress, I say, Progress!!

Follow-Up in Woodstock, NY

Kaitlyn and I drove the 150 miles round trip today to Woodstock, NY for her follow-up with the Developmental Ped. We left at 8:30am and were with the Dr almost 2 hours and ended up getting home at 1pm. It was a long morning! The Dr says she is going to try to have Kaitlyn's report done by the end of next week so that I can take it with me to the School District meeting.

So after calling around everywhere today I finally found a place that had liquid Melatonin and we started that tonight. I'm not sure if it worked or not but I put both kids up to bed at the same time tonight and didnt hear a peep out of them. It was Tyler's regular bedtime and just a little early for Kaitlyn but we had a long day and she didn't nap. I think it may have helped... we'll see after a few days if it's the same then I'll know!

The Dr thinks (and we agree!) that we should try out something for Kaitlyn's anxiety. It's a very mild medication, Tenex, which is actually prescribed for Blood pressure but works great in kids for anxiety and ADHD. So we're going to start that tomorrow and see how that goes... we really think a lot of K's issues are anxiety related and maybe this will help her. We can only try and see how it works! Of course I'll update about that after we see how she does on it for a week or so, I think.

Other than that, we're going to try to get her in a different "program" for school. We're hoping for a "center-based" program that is specifically tailored towards the kids that need a certain kind of help and stability and consistancy and more one on one work. We'll just have to see where we go from here with the school district!

Time will tell!

1st School Field Trip!!!

First of all, yes, I know it's been a bit since I've updated on Kaitlyn but, to be honest, she's been taking a bit out of me these days! Pretty much school has been the same. She's having some trouble going to school or when we get there she doesnt want to go in because "there are people in there and she wants to be alone." We've had a lot of bathroom "accidents" at school as well as at home since starting school as well. I was even called to pick her up one day as they could not keep taking away from the other kids in the class to clean her up and she had gone twice in a span of 20 mins. I'm noticing that Tuesdays and Thursdays are a little easier for her with the smaller class. She does love school though and does have a couple kids she likes running around with and playing chase or "monster" or whatever with. She tries so hard and bottles everything up while she is there and the tends to explode when at home.

I did get the report from the school - FINALLY! Really... it's just too long to explain but basically they saw what we see (minus the tantrums, of course) and the suggestion was that she needs some coping skills, social skills, and would benefit from a smaller class, where the schedule is routine and predictable and that is run by a special ed teacher who is familiar with kids of her nature. Of course, she scored super high on the testing they did for cognitive and all that and speech. The OT did notice the sensory issues but thinks they may be driven by anxiety or control issues.

Ok so on to the good stuff... sort of! :) We went on Kaitlyn's first school field trip today with her class (and families) to the pumpkin patch! The kids got to pick a gourd, pumpkin and an indian corn from the field. We went on a hay ride, saw some animals, went through a hay maze and hay tunnel (well the kids did, not me! It was only about waist high). The kids got to run around and play and they had storytime and heard a couple great stories. We even ended up losing Kaitlyn just before the Hay ride as she didnt want to follow directions and Mommy was trying to coax Tyler out of the hay tunnel! I told her to wait with everyone else and she decided to make a right turn and go back near the animals to pet the Sheep. So when I finally got Tyler out and managed to make it to the waiting spot for the Hay ride, there was no Kaitlyn with the rest of the group. I didn't really freak out as I knew she really couldn't be far but still. The other parents and teachers were looking around outside while I ran back to the barn with Tyler to look for her there and, of course, thats where I found her. Anyway, weather turned out to be FREEZING and I was NOT prepared and the three of us pretty much froze to death but it was still a good time...

until...

we had to leave. That is when the BEAST showed up, shall I say. We had a couple little crying episodes during the trip but I thought I was lucky and that might be it! One because she was cold but thats understandable and the other was a little worse because somewhere along the way she lost her chapstick that I had just given her this morning (we'll be hearing about the lost chapstick for the rest of the winter, now, just like the "book corner" that is no longer in her classroom!). So after the hay ride and picking the pumpkins it was time to go. I gather this was difficult for my daughter as she began her screaming fit that she didn't want to leave at the barn and it continued all the way to the car (who knows what the poor family walking to their car in front of us was thinking), she then began flailing herself around on the side of the car screaming that she is "not getting in and wants to stay." I managed to get the thrashing little girl into the car and buckled - with some difficulty - and she cried, screamed, demanded and thrashed about, fighting against her harness for most of the ride home (it's about a 35 min ride). I, of course, ignored her behavior completely and Tyler just looked at her kinda bug-eyed. By the time we were almost home I think she tired herself out because she had finally gotten quiet and I looked back only to see her staring glass-eyed into space looking like she could fall asleep at any moment! Up until now we've been dealing with the whole "end of the world" behavior and the very "demanding" behavior... hopefully she will get it out before bedtime and we dont have any screaming fits then.

So, I'm glad we had a good time at the field trip but it was obviously very over-stimulating for Kaitlyn and will make me think twice about field trips from now on... but... we'll probably go anyway because I hate sheltering her just because she "blows up."

Well we're off to see Dr Meyer for a follow up appointment tomorrow so I will update then with how that went and then we're off and running to deal with the school district Special Ed committee as to what to do with this girl regarding school.

Just wanted to mention before I forgot. This week, every morning, Kaitlyn has been complaining about being sick in the morning and she doesnt feel good and is going to throw up and doesnt want to go to school. Then yesterday she cried for about a half an hour or so and the entire way to school about not wanting to go and "does she have to go and sleep there too." The poor girl is so anxious about school and really does like it but I think being there is very hard for her. Hopefully this morning goes better. She has behaved pretty well at school this week though and we've been doing well handling the tantrums and catching them before they get out of hand here at home. Yesterday, starting out the way it did, was one of those "end of the world" behavior days where she whined and cried all day about one thing or another and then fought me at bedtime. She was very tired because once I got her IN bed, she didnt make a peep and fell right asleep.

Ok well time for breakfast and then off to school!

But, Why, Mommy?!?!

So, first I'll start off with this morning. Kaitlyn woke up saying her tummy hurt, she didnt feel good, she was sick and didnt want to go to school. She went to school because I saw no real sickness at all and she ate and drank fine so, off she went.

When I picked her up today the teacher said she "had a good day" and even "had a conversation with Gabriella for almost 10 mins" today. I was in shock! I managed to get Kaitlyn to talk about the said "conversation" and she didnt seem all that happy about it. I asked what she was talking about with the other girl and she told me "Apples." Well, if they were talking about apples, K would have talked for a week lol. But, still, Kaitlyn didnt seem all that happy with the conversation, she was telling me how the girl "just couldn't listen" (K's way of saying someone wasnt listening) and that "she wanted me to come to her house to have apples for a snack but she couldnt listen and I dont want to go to her house for any snack since we have snack here at school and I dont have two snacks in a day, only here at school." So she seemed upset and it makes me wonder what SHE thinks this little exchange was... a conversation? and argument? What, in the eyes/mind of my daughter, could this exchange of words mean????? I wish I could ask around inside that little head of hers!! lol :)

Ah well... she talked to someone today... two someones actually because she, first, told the teacher that she wanted off the SeeSaw and the teacher told her to just tell Sarah (one of the other girls on it) that she wanted off so, of course, Kaitlyn did. It seems she is still learning the rules of when it is ok to talk to other kids and when it isn't... I know she will learn!

Sooooooooooooooooo after school, Tyler and I picked Kaitlyn up and had some errands to run. First we decided to stop and have lunch and while we're sitting in Wendy's, eating our chicken, there is only one other gentleman sitting (about 5 ft away) near us. You have the scene, here is the dialogue:

Kaitlyn: "Mommy, that people over there eating lunch like us"

Me: "Yes, honey, it's lunchtime and everyone here is eating lunch, just like us"

Kaitlyn: "No, mommy, THAT people *pointing to the man near us* sitting THERE"

Me: "Kaitlyn, honey, it's not nice to point..."

Kaitlyn: *sitting up higher to point at him better over her brother*

Me: Kaitlyn, sweetheart, it is in appropriate to point at people, please stop that"

Kaitlyn: "but mom, that people, him, HE, THAT one, sitting there *nodding her head in his directions* sitting there, eating like us..."

Me: "K, shhhhhh, don't talk so loud"

Kaitlyn: "he's weird looking"

Me: *sigh!!!!* "Kaitlyn that's not nice, please be quiet"

Kaitlyn: "but Mama, HIM, HE... *nodding her head again*"

Me: "Kaitlyn, it's not nice to talk about people. Please stop talking!"

Kaitlyn: "But, Why?... he's weird looking."

Me: *sigh*

Oh MY! That was awkward!!!!! What a wonderful conversation!! LOL :) Boy... we were soon out of there after she let half the restaraunt know that she had to go potty, as well.

Overall, today hasnt been that bad we had some moments doing errands but I let her do a LOT of helping today and took my time (there was no rush) and let her take her time and do what she needed to make it through the stores without issue. She had to stack the cans and count the cans and make a tower and put things in certain places... all of which I gave into so that we got through peacefully and we did!! :)

Made it home and she has been playing her video game and coloring and chatting a little with me. We'll see how the rest of the night goes and I think I'm going to do a long bedtime transition tonight so that we dont have any tantrums today.

Anyway, she just came in reminding me that we're supposed to make Brownies! So off her and I go to make some tastey No Sugar Added Brownies!! YUM!!!

It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood!

If only everyday could be like today when my lovely daughter is behaving like a normal kid! WOOT! Today I kept Kaitlyn home from school today and I took both kids to the Dr because the whole house is sick. K has another throat infection though negative for Strep, YAY!

Anyway today has been wonderful even though I'm sick as heck! She has been so good and behaving like a 4yr old should! Ya know, I've had the few "no's" from her and little "I want to be in control" things but that is so normal I actually look forward to that rather than the screaming!

So, today is a beautiful day in the neighborhood and tomorrow we're back to school... so we'll see!

and the Saga Continues...

So at school today, besides going to the bathroom (#2) TWICE, Kaitlyn was pretty good and was interacting! Though when I picked her up I could see how worked up she was and she was yanking on my arm and raising her voice to me starting up a tantrum as the poor teacher is trying to tell me how things went and what happened with the "accidents." By the time we got to the car we were in a meltdown and Kaitlyn's behavior had escalated to kicking, screaming and crying in her booster seat the entire way home from school.

I just had tears in my eyes because I knew she just needed to let out the "overstimulation" or "anxiety" or whatever it was that she was feeling and had no idea how other than to blow up once she was safely with mommy who loves her no matter what. I really think thats why only a select few have seen these screaming fits because Kaitlyn holds it all in until she has to "blow" and it's usually at home with mommy and/or daddy since it IS safe here with us. We wont be mad at her for having them or anything.

Anyway, I did try VERY hard to figure out just what it was she was feeling and unforunately she couldn't/wouldn't talk to me during her screaming... she even screamed at me "I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU RIGHT NOW!!!!!" So I sat there, mouth closed with tears in my eyes and drove home. She continued the behavior but only for a short time after getting into the house... something (daddy?) changed the situation and she had a whole new thing to deal with so the behavior changed.

So far this evening no real issues have come up so thats good! She spent a lot of time alone doing her PuzzleBuzz books alone and really enjoyed herself. Then she has been watching a bit of tv since we had early dinner.

So tonight we're headed to dance class and hopefully it goes well. Doing all this running around every morning is killing me so we're looking to switch dance to Wed nights so Saturday can be our do nothing day! :)

Enlightenment

I just watched a video on YouTube from a teenager with Asperger and he really described something in an awesome way!! Since Asperger is neurological issue he put it this very simple way. Parts of his brain have not developed as quickly as others have and the creative part and/or the thinking part have developed much faster than the Social, Anger Management and other parts... that right there explains Asperger's so well. In a not so clinical way and I just thought I would share that. It's why our Aspie's can seem so smart but then get into fights or arguments or have full on tantrums.

Anyway.. it's about time to get the kids dressed so Kaitlyn can get off to school!

A New Week Begins

Well we are officially starting our first Full week of Preschool without interruptions (no Dr appts, or no school days). I have to say... it hasn't started off all that well! Jon picked Kaitlyn up from school today and was handed a bag of dirty panties because Kaitlyn had, according to the teacher, "forgotten to go because she was playing." Which actually worries me because K doesnt usually forget... that usually happens because she is stressed about something and I'm very curious to know what happened in School today. She also did it again at home so that tells me even more that it's stress and not just an "oops!"

She was fussy and fighting and crying and ultimately screaming a hissy fit for about an hour and a half about having quiet time/nap time though after being carried upstairs again, kicking and screaming, she ended up falling asleep around 2:30pm. I really think she was stressed out about something today and the only way to get it out was to finally "blowing her top." I hate that sometimes that is her only option - as of yet - but I guess thats how it has to be until she can learn to express herself better or easier.

I am just wondering if at school they tried some "back and forth" type play with the kids and that stressed her out or something. She did tell me that she didnt play the computer at school today and maybe that feels safe to her and she was stressed because she didnt get that today. I have no idea but I wish I could be there to observe an entire day of her at school to see what really happens.

Oh well since she is napping now we will see how the evening goes after she wakes up. Hopefully she will be reset and not rev'd up!

The weekend is here!

Well this ends a semi-full week of PreK for Kaitlyn. We've had some behavior issues afterschool and in the evenings but over all IN school she seems to be doing well. She listens to teachers and follows directions and everything she should be doing. She is not social really at all and just keeps to herself while the kids are playing. Even on the playground yesterday she would go to the slides or climbers where no one was or wait until they got off before going on. No biggie... I really dont want to push the social issue right now until she is comfortable with just going to school and gets used to the crazy routine!

Plus I have to get used to it too... it's not like in 4 yrs we've had to get up EVERY day to be somewhere by 9am!

Which brings me to another point... I'm thinking of switcing her dance class to the Wed 6:30pm class (a little smaller and girls who have done it before like K) simply to give ME a break from getting up at 7am every single morning 7 days a week to be somewhere. Struggling to get her fed, dressed, hair brushed... I'm not used to the rushing and neither is she so it can be a fight in the morning.

Anyway, today was her second day of Dance class and she fell right back into it! She was wonderful doing everything like last year and she even did the whole Duck Dance from the recital and she remembered it all!! She is loving taking Baton and seems to be doing well with it. I hope she keeps it up and really enjoys it. I would love to do whatever I can for her to stay in dance for as long as possible. It's o good for her mentally, physically and emotionally!

Oh Say Can You See!

Well today we went to the eye Dr for Kaitlyn's check-up. Kaitlyn has been wearing her glasses for about 2 months now and they seem to be working!! YAY!! When she started her vision was crazy horrible and her left eye was not really even "on." She has been doing great and it only took about a week or so for her to actually ask for her glasses. Now she says things like "I just cant see without my glasses" lol and will ask to put them on first thing in the morning! :)

Well the Dr reexamined her and her eyes are, technically, BETTER!!! They are both at about 20/50 with her glasses on. So the Left eye has been "turned back on" by her brain and although she doesnt have 20/20 vision and is still extremely farsighted she is getting better. Not sure if I mentioned it before but people who are farsighted are +1 to +2 usually at most but occasionally there are people like K... who is a +7/8!!! So she is VERY farsighted! Anyway, the Dr tweeked her prescription a little bit and we went to get K new glasses today too! We can get them in about a week. Since this prescription is going to be like this for AT LEAST 6 months I opted to pay more for the lenses that dont magnify her eyes. They are expensive but she will look more like a little girl with glasses now rather than a kid with glasses that give her bug eyes lol :) Though she LOVES bugs so maybe she likes that!! hahahaha

So I'll add a pic when we get her new glasses, they are really cute - not the perfect shape I would have liked but they seem to fit her well.

The Haircut of the Century!

Well had I known my child was so sensitive to getting a haircut I might have thought twice. I cut her hair today so she has bangs again like when she was 2. She looks cute but she FREAKED out, curled up on the bathroom floor crying and was very upset by the change. She didnt even want to look at herself. She was "too scared." She said, "I don't like change and I just want to be me. I dont like haircuts because I'm not me!"

I dont know why but I'm sitting here crying about this because I caused her to be so upset and I guess I feel terrible for that. I didn't know she would react this way and I hate that I triggered her by trying to help keep the hair out of her eyes.

Maybe today will get better, there is no school today so we're going to run out and do errands and I plan on taking the hand held video games with us!

The Evening After...

Well we ended up with a couple screaming fits today and just overall not good behavior. Kaitlyn was fighting about everything and it seemed like she was trying hard to get into trouble so she had a reason to blow her top. She eventually did. Thats about all... we'll see how the rest of the week goes. I started a Behavior Log and I'm putting little marks on the calendar when she has bad days. This way I can guage when the bahvior happens, what days, what triggers, naps or not... that sort of thing.

First Real Day of PreK

Well Kaitlyn had her first real day of preschool today.

It started out with our door codes not being entered so we couldn't get in the building and she was getting anxious and kept whinishly asking me "Why can't we go in yet?!" Once inside we went up to the classroom where she completly ignored the fact that the teacher sai Hi to her and instantly wanted to hide in the corner playing the computer by herself. I had to again ask for a hug and kiss goodbye... she really doesnt mind me leaving When Kaitlyn wanted to play on the computer there were already two boys playing there, the teacher told me she redirected her and she did, in fact, find something else to play with. The teacher said they will probably have to limit her computer time because thats really where she wants to stay since it is a pretty secluded spot. The teacher told me how she was lining up Care Bears that matched in lines and was making the Care Bears have voices, some crying because they couldnt find their mommys. She often does this at home with small toys as well. Overall the teacher said she did well and got a Green Smiley Face on her Calendar for the day!

From the moment we picked Kaitlyn up from school we have kinda felt like we are "walking on eggshells" today. We got her from school and she, quite literally, pulled me out of there and is not listening (not even hearing us call her name), is being rude/inconsiderate, talking back, says to leave her alone ri...ght now she doesnt want to talk, and is having a lot of trouble focusing... she is very "heightened" and I don't have a good feeling about today but I'm TRYing to be positive.

I did manage a few hours later to get her to talk about her day. She said she played with the Care Bears (and told me all about the mommy & babies) and matching them up and that she played with the computer. I asked if she talked to or played with any of the kids and she said "I told you I what I played with, toys! I didnt play with kids or talk to them."

For now she is napping and we will see how the rest of the day goes. I'm hoping the nap will recharge her and not backfire on us. Jon is home today so I'm not sure what the evening will bring or where we might go, it's a beautiful day.

No School tomorrow and her Recheck at the Opthamologist is on Wed morning so hopefully that goes well. Oh yeah and she woke up this morning with a stuffy nose and cold so she is tired and sick and not happy about that either. Hopefully she will be too tired from that to throw any big tantrums!!

First Day of Sunday School!!!

Geeeesh... everything sure did start at the same time this year!!! Today was the first day of Sunday school and since Daddy was working midnights last night I took both kids to church myself. Kaitlyn had her Sunday school class which she was instantly in shock over that she did NOT have the same teacher. THAT began the day with a bang, shall we say. She was a mess in class, couldnt sit down, was interrupting EVERYone, was sticking things in the teacher's face and was grabbing things out of others hands. Not to mention almost, just ALMOST having a fit about a crayon she wanted to use that someone else was using. He was nice enough to say she could use it JUST as she started to get fiesty!

All through service Kaitlyn pretty much stayed in the back corner playing with stickers or laying on the floor looking at books. She really wanted nothing to do with being around anymore people. Which brings us to the "picnic" after service for the beginning of Sunday School. She pretty much hid in the toy area and played with toys alone and then we ate and then I knew it was time to leave... she was getting that look in her eye and starting to talk back really bad. I just simply know where that behavior leads... and I wasnt wrong.

Ever since getting home from Church today we've had nothing but nasty behavior and tantrums and potty issues. So much so that she ended up in a pull up and ultimately in a diaper at bedtime. We did buy, yet another, pack of underwear since we've thrown 5 pair away now in the last week and a half. Today was NOT a good day for us or her. We all did a lot of yelling we wish we hadn't I'm sure but there is only so much a person can take before they explode. She essentially escalated since Friday and with Jon working midnights I was completely worn out by today and he was tired and not in any kind of mood for the behavior either. I'm not making excuses... ok, I am... but it's the truth. We were all in the wrong today and I hope that tomorrow will be a better day... but then again, tomorrow she starts her regular school day.

I'm anticipating a tough day tomorrow.

First Day of Dance!

Well today was K's first day of dance!! She started her second year of KinderDance at Merritts and this year added KinderBaton!!! There were, what felt like to me, a MILLION people/kids there today and I KNOW Kaitlyn felt it. She did great in class since it was pretty much like any other class she went to last year and they did a lot of the same stuff as review for some kids and to teach the littler ones. There were a lot of new kids there this year too! I'm really thinking about switching Kaitlyn to the smaller Thursday class that runs at 3:30pm since her behavior today has been off the wall. She got so overstimulated and I couldn't bring her back today and she was sassy and every choice she made in her behavior seemed like one where she was looking to get into trouble.

Well we will see how tomorrow goes... tomorrow is the first day of Sunday School and then Church service and then a picnic for the kids after!

"First" Day of School!

I actually don't really consider today Kaitlyn's first day of school since it was only an hour long and we just went in and I was there for about 10-15 mins of it, the kids just played with the toys and go to know the teachers and classroom. When I told K I was leaving and would be back to get her in a bit, she just turned around and looked at me as if to say, Ok see ya! I asked her for a kiss (repeatedly) and then got one before walking out. Kaitlyn, of course, found a quite corner of the room to sit on the computer by herself for about 40 mins and then they did "Carpet Time" for the last 10 mins where K promptly found a spot on the carpet but just far enough away from the other kids off to the side. They sang songs (Wheels on the Bus & stuff) and I was told by the teacher that Kaitlyn was offering up things that were on the bus an what noise they were making... just like her to want to be in control lol.

Overall she had a good day, but as I said, it was only an hour long. After getting home she spent the day in a mood teetering on tantrumish behavior. She had a hard time going up for quiet time (was kicking and screaming on the way up) and ultimately ended up waking up her brother for his nap but we got through the day!

Next week will be the true test on how this whole school thing will go. She starts regular 9-11:30am class M-F and we will see how the behavior holds up. I'm also heading over sometime next week to sign the papers to get theEvaluations going through the school. Time will tell!

Mall + Holiday Weekend + Aspie = NEVER!

So we got home at 1am last night and the kids went right from the car to thier beds. We got up this morning like usual and tried to have a pretty normal day at home. Since Kaitlyn had completely been off the potty for almost a week I decided to put her in panties and cold turkey her back to the potty - especially since School starts Wed! She managed to go potty in the bathroom but then proceeded to have a full blown screaming fit in there because she was "scared to wipe." She screamed and yelled and cried for about an hour and then ended up falling asleep for a couple hours. Then we decided to head out to the mall to let the kids play for a bit, pick up a few things and then use some coupns to get something to eat at Fuddruckers.

Going to the Mall on Labor Day with Kaitlyn was a HORRIBLE mistake. It was VERY crowded and poor Kaitlyn didnt handle it well at all! She started to get overstimulated or anxious in the play area and then we went to the bookstore and she began getting tantrumish there. We then ran to one other store and while I was in there looking for something for her, no less, she ended up having a full meltdown and Jon had to take her out of the store and she was screaming and having a fit in the middle of the mall. Sometimes I wish things weren't so hard for her... like going to the mall but it's life and we just go with it. Jon did manage to get her calmed down by giving her some strength things to do to try to work out the frustation or anxiety. It wasnt the best but it helped with the tantrum at the moment.

We did manage to get out of the mall and decided to go have dinner anyway but made sure to completely explain how things were going to be in the restaraunt and that didnt go so bad. We ate and came home and hung out a bit before putting the kids to bed. Kaitlyn did ok at bedtime with only a few trips out of her room.

We are hoping that the tantrums or whatever anxiety is leftover from the Michigan trip will get out of her system quickly and she can be ready for her first day of school on Wednesday!

Michigan Trip Ended

Well we're home from the trip and it really did end up being a very hard thing for Kaitlyn. We did have a good time at the Mall with Grandpa and Kaitlyn LOVED driving Grandpa around on his Scooter! We had lunch at Max & Erma's, the kids played at the play area and then even got into the water fountains they have there to play in. I figured they could get wet since we had the suitcase in the car and I just changed them before we left!

Kaitlyn got very overstimulated at the Mall and ended up going potty in her panties and we had to toss them... that was about the last time for the week she wore panties and by the end of the week had abandonded going to the bathroom in the potty at all. I feel bad for her that she gets that way but there is nothing I can do other than to put a diaper or pull-up on her. She ended up bouncing around at McDonalds while waiting on my brother to having dinner with us before heading out to my moms. She did seem to enjoy visiting with my brother and seemed very comfortable with him and talking to him. She's only met him a few times but he didnt seem to bother her much and she liked that he helped her put together her paper dolls from her Happy Meal!! LOL :)

We ended up getting to my mom's house at about 9pm and then the kids went to bed very late that night. Friday we got up and went to the Mall because my mom wanted a picture of all of her Grandkids together. That was NO fun at all. A big busy mall + a photo shoot + an Aspie = NOT a good mix. Kaitlyn was in rare form and did have a tantrum while there and everything but not a horrible one. I think I handled her pretty well especially since I had Tyler in the stroller and didnt have to worry about him running around. She really was way overstimulated and not handling it well. I ended up giving her two shots of Benadryl which barely helped at all. My mom really got to see how it was when K was full blown (though she SOOOOOO missed out on a good screaming fit tantrum - THAT would have been nice lol). In a way it was nice that my mom actually got to see what our life is like... it was hard for her seeing it though and it did make her upset where she almost started crying because she realized how much work Kaitlyn can be. It's just life though and doesnt really phase me - most of the time. Seeing it from the outside must be different though. Anyway, we did make it home that afternoon after deciding not to go to the Zoo and taking the kids to Build A Bear instead. Kaitlyn got a cute bunny and named her "Bunny Bunny," of course! :) She's got a pink Tshirt and pink bows on her ears and a checkered heart inside!

Saturday was just a hang around the house day for the most part and Kaitlyn again got WAY overstimulated and got no rest/quiet time and was pretty much a complete nutball all day. She ended up having Night terrors for a few hours that night (boy THAT was fun for me!) and then Sunday we got up, ate, took baths, played a bit more and then had lunch and left. K didnt do too bad in the car on the way home... it was after we got home that the real fun began...

You'll have to see the next post for that!

Visiting Family in Michigan pt 1

Me and the Kids got here yesterday to start our journey visiting family in Michigan. Last night Auntie Sarah and Uncle Scott were so awesome to have my dad and Dorie over for dinner so we didnt have to drag the kids out! It was great!

Kaitlyn was doing ok until we all sat down and were all together having dinner. She got VERY anxious and starting running around and eventually abandonded her meal and went to hide in the bedroom to be alone. She has such a hard time around a lot of people... We just let her go since we knew she wasnt comfortable but she did do pretty well.

I called the Ped before leaving to see if there is anything I can do for her when she gets anxious or panic attacks (which has been happening!) and other than prescribing her a sedative he said we could try a good dose of Benedryl to calm her (and possible make her sleepy) so she's had a couple doses of that in the past two days but it's working to calm her enough to help her sleep. She is getting so anxious before bed and at bedtime that we're on the edge of tantrums... so the Benedryl is actually helping keep the screaming fits at bay! I wish it worked a little faster though!!

Ok we're getting the car loaded up and ready to head out soon for lunch with Grandpa and Grandma Dorie at Partridge Creek Mall.

Got a call from the Preschool Teacher

Ok so the Preschool teacher called today and we talked for quite awhile and I gave her some examples of behavior she might see out of Kaitlyn and really gave her an idea of who she is. The teacher seems very nice and willing to monitor Kaitlyn's behavior at school and we will talk everyday about how the day went in the first couple weeks. We will also be watching to see how her behavior is at home after going to school.

So yesterday when I finally got the diagnosis I KNEW was coming... for some reason it hit me like a ton of bricks because it was actually REAL and on paper. Immediately my brain started racing and I was asking myself where I went wrong and if I did something to cause this and all kinds of crazy things. I do know that there is nothing I did to cause this and I also know that my daughter is EXTREMELY smart beyond her years and is VERY in tune with herself and can totally learn the skills she needs to "beat" this and she will be perfectly fine. She is a strong little girl and she WANTS to be able to have friends - she told me and the Dr that - she wants to play with kids - she just needs the tools on how to do that! She will get there and it's SO early in her life that this will barely effect her in the long run.

Ok yesterday I let my emotions get the better of me... today is another day and it's like any other... just because there is a label doesn't change my love or parenting of my child or children, I should say! On we go to the next obstacle.... whatever that might be! :)

Diagnosis

Here are the Dr's words "My diagnoses for Kaitlyn will be Asperger's Syndrome and Overanxious Disorder of Childhood (which is comparable to Generalized Anxiety Disorder in adults)."

Thats really all I have in me right now... I have a lot to think about. I just keep telling myself this is not because of anything I did or didn't do...

:*(

Dr's - School Districts - Frustration!

Well the Dr (and US!) don't think putting Kaitlyn into the regular Preschool class is going to be a good idea. 15 kids and 2 "teachers" or not I know it's going to be a disaster. I called today to talk to the Chairperson for the Committee on Preschool Special Education about getting Kaitlyn reevaluated which is fine she says she is willing to do it because she understands our concerns. She wants us to WAIT though and put Kaitlyn into the regular PreK class and see how she does. I'm really not looking forward to doing that and it's really frustrating me. I mean, I understand the idea of it all... maybe she will do fine and I'm sure AT school she will do great but *I'M* the one who is going to have to deal with all the tantrums that come from her being triggered there with the other kids.

Right now... I just dont know what to do. Kaitlyn (even at 2 1/2) is REALLY smart and tested above average during her evaluations then (except speech) and I'm starting to realize that getting a child with Apsergers or even a Severe Social Anxiety Disorder help to be able to go to school is not going to be easy. I doubt Kaitlyn will even qualify for ANY services without the report from the Developmental Pediatrician saying specifically that she has Aspergers (since that is on the Autism Spectrum and there is a spot for that for them to agree to services) but going by the evaluation that the school district does, she will blow it out of the water and be fine. First of all it's done by adults whom Kaitlyn wil surely talk to and get along with... they need to see her around other kids and really watch her behavior overall and not watch her play with toys and can she stack some freakin blocks... ARGH! I'm getting angry about this and frustrated and sad.

I just wish I knew what to do to make it all better... if I had money I would just put her in a private school and say screw it to the public school system - but we are one of the "lucky ones" that have free Preschool and we should be happy about that...

Evaluations EARLY!!!

Well we got a call yesterday from the Developmental/Behavioral Ped's office in Woodstock, NY and they had a cancellation for this morning at 9am! We JUMPED on it! It was SUPER hard since Jon worked all freaking night and then we spent 6 or 7 hours, with driving, after he got off work! We even managed to have Kaitlyn vomit all over herself, her clothes, and her car seat 2 miles from the office when we were running late as it was. It had to happen the ONE time I don't have a change of clothes for her, except a pair of panties, in the car. We ended up stopping on the side of the road, stripping her, cleaning the puke off her and out of the carseat and putting her in the clean panties and my purple zip-up sweatshirt jacket that luckily was in the back!! The poor girl had to ride the rest of the way to the Dr and home sitting on a poncho in her seat and I strapped the regular seatbelt around her. It was quite the drive and we did make it!

Jon, even being tired as hell, did good and handled the kids while I spent over 3 hours in talking with the Dr doing the Intake. It went well and we managed to get through everything and then she spent about a half hour watching Kaitlyn and asking her questions. The Dr told me that Kaitlyn managed to show her most of the bahavior of I was talking about in that short time (minus a meltdown, of course!).

While in the office she gave me a lot of "tests" to take home and fill out as homework - SCARED, CAST and a PDD one. I went through them breifly and realized... poor Kaitlyn has issues lol :) She also gave me names of places that could help out with Kaitlyn's Social Skills so hopefully we can get working on that but the main thing we want to do right now is get this whole school thing worked out. She even called the School District from her office while I was there to try to get the ball rolling on getting her reinstated/reevaluated by the PreSchool Special Education board to see about getting her either services or getting her placed in a Center setting. This all has NOTHING to do with Education... and everything to do with people and noise and stuff. We have ourselves a little Einstein here who is a super smart little girl and very literal but just cant stand being around people and gets very anxious - yes, ladies and gentleman - Einstein had Aspergers!!! As did many other very eccentric but very talented/intelligent people!!

The Dr, of course, couldnt do a full diagnosis today but does, in fact, agree with us that she believes she is "spectrumy" - as she called it! She believes that Kaitlyn would be better suited in a specialized school rather than thrown into a regular school where she may not be able to handle it.

So right now our main concern, as I said, is to get the stuff going with the school! :) So that is where we are and we have a follow up appointment with the Dr in Woodstock, NY in October.

Allergist/Eye Dr/Behavior Update

Well this post might be a little long! First off at Kaitlyn's 4yr appt the Dr sent her to the Allergist to finally find out if she had a true milk allergy and to see what other, if any, allergy she had. Well it turns out she really doesnt have any allergies (sensitivities) and she is also Lactose Intolerant. So when we want/need her to have dairy she can take a lactaid pill and be all good. We are keeping her on the Soy milk she has been on forever now because trying to switch her made screwed up up gastro-intestinally, lets just say. Poor kid was sick and "backed up" for a week or so!!

Also at her 4yr appt she failed her eye exam and was sent to the Opthamologist where we found out she is 20/25 in her right eye and 20/70 in her left (Hyperotic). It's basically something about her eye focusing behind her retina instead of on it. So right now she has some SUPER strong SUPER thick lenses on her cute little glasses to try and help fix her eyes. Hopefully the script will get better with time and we can avoid having to patch her... for now it's a waiting game and we go back to the eye doctor in two months after wearing her glasses and see how she is doing.

As for Kaitlyn's behavior... Jon and I did some serious hunting around as well reading in a few books on trying to figure out her behavior. When sitting back and observing Kaitlyn over these last couple of months and putting together everything over the last two years we went and had a meeting with her Pediatrician. Instead of trying to get it all written down here (because I could write for pages!) I will simply say that the Dr, Jon and I agreed that we need to have her evaluated by a Developmental/Behavioral Pediatrician to rule out Aspergers Syndrom or PDD. Thats where we are right now and we are going through A LOT with K regarding all of this and realized that it has been increasing over the past 2 years or so.

She has her evaulation in Kingston, NY since there are only 3 Dev. Ped's here in the area that do the screenings and they are all booking out into mid-year next year. The Dr who actually works in Woodstock, NY was able to pull some strings and find us an appointment in November at her Kingston Location... so I will more than likely update then.

Wish us luck!

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My Big 4yr Old Girl!

Wow... ok, so it's been a year since I posted lol Kaitlyn is 4!!!

Kaitlyn has had a great year, she started taking dance in Sept 08 and just had her very first dance recital ON her 4th birthday! She takes Kinderdance (Ballet, Tap & Gymnastics) at Merrits and their recital was at Proctor's Theatre in Sch'tady... my baby girl on the big stage!

She had a Mickey Mouse Themed birthday party complete with a Mickey Bounce House and even Mickey Mouse M&M's in her favors!!! We had lots of family here too for the whole weekend. Grandma Debbie, Grandpa Reese, Cousins Kinsley and Derek all came from Michigan for K's birthday party and recital. Grandma Lois, Aunt Donna, Cousins James and Anthony also came up from Long Island as well! It was a great weekend and the kids all enjoyed playing together.

On Tuesday 6/16/09, after the birthday & recital stuff was over, we took a vacation to Sesame Place in Pennsylvania. The kids had a great time at the park and K went on her first Roller Coaster and LOVED it!! We had lunch with all the Sesame Street characters two of the days we were there. It was a very exciting trip and even though we had a LOT of behavior issues from both of the kids in the hotel from being way off routine, it was still awesome and we cant wait to go back!!

Kaitlyn is going through this "phase" (it started about a month or o ago) where she is Little Miss Sassy, talking back and yelling and demanding. Apparently this is something kids go through for about 18 months around this age and we just need to keep "reminding" her that she needs to ask nice and talk nice over and over and over and over and... oh you get it. Needless to say she gets LOTS of Time Out's these days!

She has also (since about a week ago) started telling awesome and very creative stories. She will use toys and talk to them acting out stories... it's a lot of fun!

So we went to the Dr today for her 4yr check up and she is a pretty healthy little girl. We are FINALLY getting her into the allergist to see about her Milk/Dairy problem which we are extremely happy about. The Ped. is also sending her to the Opthalmologist because she didnt pass her Eye Screening. Her right eye was 20/40 but her left she aparently couldnt make out anything on the board. She has actually grown a little! She was 32lbs and 40 1/8 inches tall. Everything else was great though!

This year we also started going to Church and became Members at Immanuel Lutheran in Niskayuna and Kaitlyn started Sunday School in Jan too and will start up that again in Sept 09. She is also starting Pre-School in Sept too and will be going to school for 2 1/2 hours a day M-F. She is growing up so fast and really becoming a wonderful girl and we love her so much and are extremely proud of all of her accomplishments.