In a Dark Place You're Likely to find.....

A MUSHROOM!!!! lol K got her mushroom haircut back and couldnt be happier! She forgot her glasses when we left the house so she looks kinda weird, not to mention this is a pic from my cell phone. She's so happy with her haircut and getting to go to the Salon and let Miss Lindsay cut her hair!

So today was a little bit better behavior day... I think the meds are starting to kick in. We havent had any major blow ups today anyway!

Waiting on the Meds

So I'm waiting on the meds to kick back in here with Kaitlyn. Today I had to run an errand to the bank and she had a huge screaming tantrum for about 20 mins because she couldnt draw some triangles right. Here I am sitting with the man at the bank in his cubicle trying to fill out a dispute form and I have a 20 month old sitting quietly playing with his mittens and a 4 1/2 yr old screaming, crying and flailing around in a chair because of her lack of ability to draw the way she wants to... oh the joys of Aspergers. I just apologized to the poor guy sitting there having to listen to that and explained that sometimes she cant get control of her emotions. Hopefully he doesnt think I'm a complete nut or what I'm SURE he was thinking... "Cant this chick control her kids in public?"

Whatever... I'm going to get a T-Shirt to wear EVERYwhere that says Proud Mother of an Asperger Kid. Then when people look at me funny during a tantrum I can just open my coat and smile! :) Let them go home and Google it!!! hahahahaha

Ok just had to get that out...

Sans Meds

So I decided to take K off the Tenex as I didn't think I was noticing much improvement... well... I admit, I was wrong! There WAS improvement on it... not much but after her being off of it a week she has been a terror. Tantrums (the long ones again), screaming fits, all around nasty behavior and not being able to control her behavior AT ALL. Maybe it has nothing to do with the meds, maybe it does... but we started her back on and will be putting her back on 1/2 pill twice a day. The past few days have me worn to the end and there are times when I want to give up... but I know, for her, I cant. She needs me even if she is treating me terribly. I love her and I will be there for her through good and bad... unconditionally.

She's also having an asthma flare up so we're doing albuterol & pulmicort in the nebulizer for a bit to try to get rid of the cough and then I think we will finish out the winter on the pulmicort once a day. She must have gotten a touch of the cold her brother had and then triggered the asthma. If she keeps coughing I'm going to take her in to have her checked out and let them help me out with the dosing in the Nebulizer... maybe she needs twice a day for a bit to get rid of the cough and yucky breathing.

Anyway... hopefully we will see an improvement in her behavior and I'm also hoping in Jan we can get her started with a private therapist, work on getting her more services through the school district and/or getting her into Crossroads so she can get some intensive treatment.

We'll just have to see how the new year will go.

Holiday Letter

Though I think this "Letter" should be rewritten for ANY time you're going to see family it really brought tears to my eyes because if Kaitlyn could, this is what she would be saying!!!

Holiday Letter
This article appeared in the holiday 1999 issue of ASAP News! (Volume 3.5) The Autism Support and Advocacy Project, and Potential Unlimited Publishing.
"Dear Family and Friends:" was written for the purpose of it being sent to relatives and hosts of holiday gatherings who might need a crash course in what to expect from their guest with autism.

"Dear Family and Friends: " I understand that we will be visiting each other for the holidays this year! Sometimes these visits can be very hard for me, but here is some information that might help our visit to be more successful. As you probably know, I am challenged by a hidden disability called Autism, or what some people refer to as a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). Autism/PDD is a neurodevelopmental disorder which makes it hard for me to understand the environment around me. I have barriers in my brain that you can't see, but which make it difficult for me to adapt to my surroundings.

Sometimes I may seem rude and abrupt, but it is only because I have to try so hard to understand people and at the same time, make myself understood. People with autism have different abilities: Some may not speak, some write beautiful poetry. Others are whizzes in math (Albert Einstein was thought to be autistic), or may have difficulty making friends. We are all different and need various degrees of support.

Sometimes when I am touched unexpectedly, it might feel painful and make me want to run away. I get easily frustrated, too. Being with lots of other people is like standing next to a moving freight train and trying to decide how and when to jump aboard. I feel frightened and confused a lot of the time. This is why I need to have things the same as much as possible. Once I learn how things happen, I can get by OK. But if something, anything, changes, then I have to relearn the situation all over again! It is very hard.

When you try to talk to me, I often can't understand what you say because there is a lot of distraction around. I have to concentrate very hard to hear and understand one thing at a time. You might think I am ignoring you--I am not. Rather, I am hearing everything and not knowing what is most important to respond to.

Holidays are exceptionally hard because there are so many different people, places, and things going on that are out of my ordinary realm. This may be fun and adventurous for most people, but for me, it's very hard work and can be extremely stressful. I often have to get away from all the commotion to calm down. It would be great if you had a private place set up to where I could retreat.

If I can not sit at the meal table, do not think I am misbehaved or that my parents have no control over me. Sitting in one place for even five minutes is often impossible for me. I feel so antsy and overwhelmed by all the smells, sounds, and people--I just have to get up and move about. Please don't hold up your meal for me--go on without me, and my parents will handle the situation the best way they know how.

Eating in general is hard for me. If you understand that autism is a sensory processing disorder, it's no wonder eating is a problem! Think of all the senses involved with eating. Sight, smell, taste, touch, AND all the complicated mechanics that are involved. Chewing and swallowing is something that a lot of people with autism have trouble with. I am not being picky--I literally cannot eat certain foods as my sensory system and/or oral motor coordination are impaired.

Don't be disappointed If Mom hasn't dressed me in starch and bows. It's because she knows how much stiff and frilly clothes can drive me buggy! I have to feel comfortable in my clothes or I will just be miserable. When I go to someone else's house, I may appear bossy and controlling. In a sense, I am being controlling, because that is how I try to fit into the world around me (which is so hard to figure out!) Things have to be done in a way I am familiar with or else I might get confused and frustrated. It doesn't mean you have to change the way you are doing things--just please be patient with me, and understanding of how I have to cope. Mom and Dad have no control over how my autism makes me feel inside. People with autism often have little things that they do to help themselves feel more comfortable. The grown ups call it "self regulation," or "stimming'. I might rock, hum, flick my fingers, or any number of different things. I am not trying to be disruptive or weird. Again, I am doing what I have to do for my brain to adapt to your world. Sometimes I cannot stop myself from talking, singing, or doing an activity I enjoy. The grown-ups call this "perseverating" which is kinda like self regulation or stimming. I do this only because I have found something to occupy myself that makes me feel comfortable. Perseverative behaviors are good to a certain degree because they help me calm down.

Please be respectful to my Mom and Dad if they let me "stim" for awhile as they know me best and what helps to calm me. Remember that my Mom and Dad have to watch me much more closely than the average child. This is for my own safety, and preservation of your possessions. It hurts my parents' feelings to be criticized for being over protective, or condemned for not watching me close enough. They are human and have been given an assignment intended for saints. My parents are good people and need your support. Holidays are filled with sights sounds, and smells. The average household is turned into a busy, frantic, festive place. Remember that this may be fun for you, but it's very hard work for me to conform. If I fall apart or act out in a way that you consider socially inappropriate, please remember that I don't possess the neurological system that is required to follow some social rules. I am a unique person--an interesting person. I will find my place at this Celebration that is comfortable for us all, as long as you'll try to view the world through my eyes!"

I thank, with all of my heart, whomever wrote this.

Bouncing Ball

Really this will be short... Kaitlyn was BOUNCING off the walls the entire day Christmas Eve and yesterday. I have no idea why she was acting out so badly but she was being rude and talking back and not listening. She was getting Time Outs over and over and just overall a complete mess.

Christmas morning was good, she loved all her presents.

Oh the Screaming!!!!!!!!!!!

All night... Screaming.... Screaming... SCREAMING!!! K is not feeling well and her stomach hurts but with her sensory issues (and flashbacks of reflux puking I'm sure) she cant tell if her tummy hurts to puke or poop and so all she does is SCREAM... why is that her only response to things.... SCREAMING!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH I can't take anymore tonight. I just gave her some Pepto in hopes that if it is one or the other it will take care of it and she will feel a little better and be able to go to bed and not be screaming out all night keeping her brother awake - or me for that matter.

I'm so terribly exhausted from everything these past few days and I'm barely making it to Noon before I crash from exhaustion. I'm heading to bed here in about 5 mins with the kids!

Wish us luck that this is just something she ate and she will be all better in the morning. She has dance and the Christmas Pageant rehersal at Church tomorrow! Ok off to get these guys to bed.

What a Tightly Capped Bottle!

Well we went to Long Island this past weekend and went into NY City to see the tree. There were tons of people, lights, we rode the train and the subway which were also cramped and crowded. Kaitlyn (though we know she needed to) did so good and held it all in and controlled herself so well! She was SO overstimulated but didnt want to lose control and misbehave. I'm so proud of her!! You could see she was a balloon ready to pop! She also handled having the family over Sunday morning to Grandma's like a champ. She was a little snippy and her brain was so stressed and she was a wreck inside she couldnt even think to write letters or numbers correctly. The poor girl was writing backwards because she couldnt focus! It was crazy to see her doing that. I was told the scientific reasoning behind that and it was interesting that I noticed. It's pretty much that her amygdala was getting all the blood flow and therefor there was only a little going to her hippocapmus. Yes, I've been learning about the brain lately!! lol :) Anyway, by the end of the day Sunday we finally got the tantrums we'd been waiting for. She had one in the bathroom at Grandma's for about 20 mins and then another one for about 20 mins again in the car while strapped in her carseat. She really needed those for a release but she tried so hard NOT to have them. I'm proud of her but then there are times where we can see how bad she needs to release the stress and tension and we WANT her to have a tantrum! It's all crazy!

I am going to be doing some more reading on this whole amygdala/hippocampus thing because it amazes me that I can see things in people and know whats going on and then there are scientific reasons behind what I am seeing and noticing. I really do need to be a therapist... maybe one day when I'm older and the kids are in school I can move into that profession... we'll see!

Lights, Camera, Action!

Well... since we went to Long Island last we've had a couple of rough weeks with behavior. Tantrums, nightmares and just overall irritability and easily set off. Just yesterday IN Wal-Mart Kaitlyn had the hugest meltdown. She started arguing with her brother over something - she didnt want him touching it - and so I took it away. My goodness did she ever BLOW UP! She was in the basket part of the cart and started crying (of course, thats normal!) and escalated to her kicking, screaming, thrashing around shaking the cart and all kinds of craziness while I simply walked along doing my shopping. I was sure to calmly tell her "her behavior is inappropriate" but other than that, I was unresponsive. It makes me wonder what people must be thinking to see a kid Kaitlyn's age doing that and me just walking along like nothing is going on!!! hahahahaha Anyway, all the crying and screaming got Tyler upset so HE started crying and freaking out... so there I was, walking in Wal-Mart with TWO screaming kids in my cart! hahahaha After the 20 min? or so ordeal little miss Kaitlyn was still upset but had run out of energy I think with all the hard work she was doing to shake around the cart and everything. She then just cried the rest of the time and began the begging me for a hug and kiss to make her feel better and she just kept saying "I'm sorry mommy," "I'm really sorry mommy for doing what I did, I dont like it," and "I dont want to do that, I was sad about the Candy canes, I'm sorry mommy." She was saying all of this VERY quietly while crying in the cart... not sure if it was REALLY to me or just her talking out loud to herself??? I wonder if I could get the Security tapes from yesterday?!?!?!? hahahaha Just to be on the outside seeing that happening would be interesting!

Kaitlyn did have her Dance Studio Holiday Party this past Monday (12/7) and they did the same dance routine as last year and Kaitlyn was so scared (she told me) she stood there with her hands to her face and didnt do any of the dance really... I spoke with the Dr about the drastic change from last year when she did EVERY move. We came to the conclusion that she is more aware of her anxiety - especially when she tells me "it felt like all the people were looking at me." So we'll see how the rest of the dance shows go from here. She did tell me she likes dancing on the stage just not on the roller rink, which is where there little holiday thing was. All we can do is wait.

Anyway, once again we're headed to Long Island this weekend so I'm sure I'll have more than a few days filled with tantrumish behavior once we're back. It's a short trip so hopefully it's a short run after! I hate when there are changes in the routine but we need to get this overwith so we can have a few weeks at home with uninterrupted routine to see how she is really doing. She is on .5mg of the Tenex in the am and now we added the pm. If we still see no change in her by the end of December we're going to pull back and take her off the meds and see how she is then and figure out what to do from there.

I've also been doing a lot of looking around into where we can get money to get her into the program at Crossroads Center to get her some real help. She is going to be starting with the Social Worker the school is providing today! She will be getting that whole 30 mins per week at school but we did ask the girl if she would come here, to a "safe" and "familiar" enviroment to meet Kaitlyn rather than just going to the school. I've also contacted a lawyer to see what kind of options we have as well... I'll update once I know more, right now everything is so "up in the air."

Oh tomorrow is also the annual trip to NYC to see the tree... I just KNOW thats going to be Sensory overload... all the people, the lights?? Yeah... thats going to be an AWESOME tantrum waiting to happen!!!

Mysteries of Moon Phases

I am fully convinced that Kaitlyn's moods are connected to the phases of the moon. It's a full moon today/tonight and poor Kaitlyn has been "losing it" all day and been having screaming tantrums about NOTHING. Tonight the biggest "fit" was about WHERE she wanted to eat dinner. She screamed and cried about not wanting to eat at the table. I'm not sure where it came from, either. Then after about an hour of screaming (she's started throwing things now too) she came to me crying and begging for a hug and said she was sorry couldnt stay in control (not exactly her words). The poor kid... had to put her to bed a little early (can only handle so much screaming), dragged her up the stairs screaming, put her in her bed - a few times - where she continued to scream and thrash around... all of that because of her brother touching puzzle pieces which I warned her of before she started playing with it.

We did just get back yesterday from a 4 day trip to Grandma's and I'm sure being all thrown off whatever sort of routine we had was hard for her and coming back to it must be harder. I wish there was a magic button sometimes to just make it all better. Hopefully after a couple days of being back home and back to the routine she will settle back down.

One Sick Little Mama!

For the past two weeks or so Kaitlyn has been sick sick sick!! She got the flu back on Nov 5th and that lasted about 5 days of horribleness and it never got better! She ended up in urgent care only to find out the Flu caused Ear infections and Bronchitis (well what was thought to be anyway) and she was dehydrated. She was put on a Z-Pack to try to get rid of the Upper Respiratory stuff. I tried my best to get her to drink and hydrate for another day and we ended up spending the night in the ER with IV fluids because of the dehydration. That is when we found out she had a UTI and she was then put on Bactrim. Well we finished up those meds and Kaitlyn was still coughing and tired all the time and complaining of pain and so I took her back in to the Pediatrician where we found that the Bronchitis was actually pretty bad wheezing and asthma and she was then (in the office) started on a Nebulizer with Albuterol and Pulmicort. She was also given oral Steriods (Predisone) for 5 daysto help the inflamation in her lungs. We have been doing the Nebulizer treatments twice a day for a week. During all this fun stuff Kaitlyn started complaining about her back hurting and it hurting to pee again so we found that the Bactrim they gave us was not the right med and she needed yet another script for Duricef.

Today we had a check up again for her and we need to finish out the UTI meds before we know she is clear and we started an Asthma Action Plan! We're going to continue the Nebulizer twice a day with only the Pulmicort, unless she gets a cold and clogged up and we need to use the Albuterol. This will go for 3 more weeks and if there are no colds in the 3 weeks we can stop the Nebulizer until she might need it again. If she does happen to get sick in the next month we might end up using the Nebulizer all winter. We did get lucky and the Dr's office had a mask so I dont have to hold it for her anymore! :) Hopefully she gets used to it... it's new so she's having a hard time but we will get there.

I think that about catches us up! We're heading down to Long Island to celebrate Thanksgiving on Thursday and for the weekend so we'll have to update again after that!

School District Meeting...

First of all... here is the low down: Kaitlyn will be staying in her current PreK class, and getting a social worker once a week for 30 mins to help her with some social play therapy type stuff. They want to do every other week at school and then the other week at the house.

So pretty much we're getting nothing. We were not happy (or completely unhappy) with the meeting. We felt bullied and not really listened to and were offended by some of the very inappropriate words chosen by Nancy. We did not argue too much with the decision, mainly because the Comittee Chairperson barely let us talk or even try to argue but because we were told that the 30 min visits would happen in the class and Kaitlyn would not be taken out of the class and made to feel odd or different. I'm not sure I believe it but at this point we're going to wait and see what happens.

I dont understand their thinking in not intensively helping Kaitlyn NOW since she is "gifted or a Genius" as they put it and she can learn now. They said that she will go in a Kindergarten class with mixed (Special needs & nuerotypical) kids and a regular and special ed teacher and that will be where she gets the most help... I'm not sure if it has to do with money (probably!) but I just dont get that part.

We dont think Nancy, the Chairperson, has ever been to Crossroads because she said her whole VERY inappropriate piece about not sending Kaitlyn there and why and she said "you really should see these types of places before you think about sending your child there." and Jon spoke up with "actually, we HAVE been there and saw the class that Kaitlyn would be in and we saw NONE of what you are describing but just the opposite." That was when her mouth about hit the floor and she started to stumble over her words and said that we must have gone at a different time then she did hahahaha it was quite funny, actually!

We decided to give this a shot and if this is not helping/working then we will set up another meeting and tell them she needs more and/or figure out what to do from there.

Regulation of the Circadian Rhythms

Hahahahaha wondering what that title means? Well here ya go!

Melatonin (pronounced /ˌmɛləˈtoʊnɪn/ also known chemically as N-acetyl-5-methoxytryptamine, is a naturally occurring hormone found in animals and in some other living organisms, including algae. Circulating levels vary in a daily cycle, and melatonin is important in the regulation of the circadian rhythms of several biological functions. Melatonin produced in the pineal gland, which is outside of the blood-brain barrier, acts as an endocrine hormone since it is released into the blood. By contrast, melatonin produced by the retina and the gastrointestinal (GI) tract acts as a paracrine hormone. The melatonin signal forms part of the system that regulates the sleep-wake cycle by chemically causing drowsiness and lowering the body temperature.

The Melatonin has been working GREAT for Kaitlyn! My little girl hs never shown signs of tiredness. Would never yawn and lay on the couch and say "I need to rest my eyes for a bit..." lol and now with the Melatonin she does all that and goes right up to bed (thats not to say she doesnt fight going up to bed or have tantrums - we still get that) and she doesnt play around for 2 hours in bed before going to sleep... she lays down and GOES TO SLEEP!!!! I just love it... it's so much better for her and me! She's not getting out of bed and coming out of her room to because she has to "tell me just one more thing." So I'm very happy that she is getting good sleep now. She's also still waking up at the same time in the morning and sometimes I even have to wake her up!!

There is one downside, if you will, to this sleeping so well thing. She has to relearn now how to feel when she has to go potty in the middle of the night and be able to wake up so we've decided to put Pull-ups on at night so we dont have to change clothes and sheets in the middle of the night every night! That was getting to be a pain! So we'll retrain her little body to know she has to go and that it has to wake up in the middle of the night to go. I think after that we'll be all good!

As for the Tenex... I know I said wasnt going to update until after a week but I just wanted to mention something. I'm not sure if it's the meds or what but this morning when I took Kaitlyn to school we got up there and there were a lot of kids and parents in the coat room. Normally she will hide behind me or under a table or something because she is so nervous... well this morning she was all happy and springy and acting like a little clown making everyone laugh! She even said goodbye to me and her brother and just went into class! It was the first time (besides the first day) that she has done that!! So... hopefully this is the side effect of the meds and she isnt feeling as anxious and stuff.

Yesterday Kaitlyn was having a "bad transition" day and when I was there to pick her up she didnt want to leave the playground and ended up starting a tantrum while clinging to the fence. That continued all the way home and I had to fight with her (literally put my body weight on her) to get her in her carseat while she was screaming and kicking. I do have to say that since we are handling her tantrums a little differently these days, the other two she had yesterday were short-lived. The one from school to home was the biggest and longest yesterday!

Progress, I say, Progress!!

Follow-Up in Woodstock, NY

Kaitlyn and I drove the 150 miles round trip today to Woodstock, NY for her follow-up with the Developmental Ped. We left at 8:30am and were with the Dr almost 2 hours and ended up getting home at 1pm. It was a long morning! The Dr says she is going to try to have Kaitlyn's report done by the end of next week so that I can take it with me to the School District meeting.

So after calling around everywhere today I finally found a place that had liquid Melatonin and we started that tonight. I'm not sure if it worked or not but I put both kids up to bed at the same time tonight and didnt hear a peep out of them. It was Tyler's regular bedtime and just a little early for Kaitlyn but we had a long day and she didn't nap. I think it may have helped... we'll see after a few days if it's the same then I'll know!

The Dr thinks (and we agree!) that we should try out something for Kaitlyn's anxiety. It's a very mild medication, Tenex, which is actually prescribed for Blood pressure but works great in kids for anxiety and ADHD. So we're going to start that tomorrow and see how that goes... we really think a lot of K's issues are anxiety related and maybe this will help her. We can only try and see how it works! Of course I'll update about that after we see how she does on it for a week or so, I think.

Other than that, we're going to try to get her in a different "program" for school. We're hoping for a "center-based" program that is specifically tailored towards the kids that need a certain kind of help and stability and consistancy and more one on one work. We'll just have to see where we go from here with the school district!

Time will tell!

1st School Field Trip!!!

First of all, yes, I know it's been a bit since I've updated on Kaitlyn but, to be honest, she's been taking a bit out of me these days! Pretty much school has been the same. She's having some trouble going to school or when we get there she doesnt want to go in because "there are people in there and she wants to be alone." We've had a lot of bathroom "accidents" at school as well as at home since starting school as well. I was even called to pick her up one day as they could not keep taking away from the other kids in the class to clean her up and she had gone twice in a span of 20 mins. I'm noticing that Tuesdays and Thursdays are a little easier for her with the smaller class. She does love school though and does have a couple kids she likes running around with and playing chase or "monster" or whatever with. She tries so hard and bottles everything up while she is there and the tends to explode when at home.

I did get the report from the school - FINALLY! Really... it's just too long to explain but basically they saw what we see (minus the tantrums, of course) and the suggestion was that she needs some coping skills, social skills, and would benefit from a smaller class, where the schedule is routine and predictable and that is run by a special ed teacher who is familiar with kids of her nature. Of course, she scored super high on the testing they did for cognitive and all that and speech. The OT did notice the sensory issues but thinks they may be driven by anxiety or control issues.

Ok so on to the good stuff... sort of! :) We went on Kaitlyn's first school field trip today with her class (and families) to the pumpkin patch! The kids got to pick a gourd, pumpkin and an indian corn from the field. We went on a hay ride, saw some animals, went through a hay maze and hay tunnel (well the kids did, not me! It was only about waist high). The kids got to run around and play and they had storytime and heard a couple great stories. We even ended up losing Kaitlyn just before the Hay ride as she didnt want to follow directions and Mommy was trying to coax Tyler out of the hay tunnel! I told her to wait with everyone else and she decided to make a right turn and go back near the animals to pet the Sheep. So when I finally got Tyler out and managed to make it to the waiting spot for the Hay ride, there was no Kaitlyn with the rest of the group. I didn't really freak out as I knew she really couldn't be far but still. The other parents and teachers were looking around outside while I ran back to the barn with Tyler to look for her there and, of course, thats where I found her. Anyway, weather turned out to be FREEZING and I was NOT prepared and the three of us pretty much froze to death but it was still a good time...

until...

we had to leave. That is when the BEAST showed up, shall I say. We had a couple little crying episodes during the trip but I thought I was lucky and that might be it! One because she was cold but thats understandable and the other was a little worse because somewhere along the way she lost her chapstick that I had just given her this morning (we'll be hearing about the lost chapstick for the rest of the winter, now, just like the "book corner" that is no longer in her classroom!). So after the hay ride and picking the pumpkins it was time to go. I gather this was difficult for my daughter as she began her screaming fit that she didn't want to leave at the barn and it continued all the way to the car (who knows what the poor family walking to their car in front of us was thinking), she then began flailing herself around on the side of the car screaming that she is "not getting in and wants to stay." I managed to get the thrashing little girl into the car and buckled - with some difficulty - and she cried, screamed, demanded and thrashed about, fighting against her harness for most of the ride home (it's about a 35 min ride). I, of course, ignored her behavior completely and Tyler just looked at her kinda bug-eyed. By the time we were almost home I think she tired herself out because she had finally gotten quiet and I looked back only to see her staring glass-eyed into space looking like she could fall asleep at any moment! Up until now we've been dealing with the whole "end of the world" behavior and the very "demanding" behavior... hopefully she will get it out before bedtime and we dont have any screaming fits then.

So, I'm glad we had a good time at the field trip but it was obviously very over-stimulating for Kaitlyn and will make me think twice about field trips from now on... but... we'll probably go anyway because I hate sheltering her just because she "blows up."

Well we're off to see Dr Meyer for a follow up appointment tomorrow so I will update then with how that went and then we're off and running to deal with the school district Special Ed committee as to what to do with this girl regarding school.

Just wanted to mention before I forgot. This week, every morning, Kaitlyn has been complaining about being sick in the morning and she doesnt feel good and is going to throw up and doesnt want to go to school. Then yesterday she cried for about a half an hour or so and the entire way to school about not wanting to go and "does she have to go and sleep there too." The poor girl is so anxious about school and really does like it but I think being there is very hard for her. Hopefully this morning goes better. She has behaved pretty well at school this week though and we've been doing well handling the tantrums and catching them before they get out of hand here at home. Yesterday, starting out the way it did, was one of those "end of the world" behavior days where she whined and cried all day about one thing or another and then fought me at bedtime. She was very tired because once I got her IN bed, she didnt make a peep and fell right asleep.

Ok well time for breakfast and then off to school!

But, Why, Mommy?!?!

So, first I'll start off with this morning. Kaitlyn woke up saying her tummy hurt, she didnt feel good, she was sick and didnt want to go to school. She went to school because I saw no real sickness at all and she ate and drank fine so, off she went.

When I picked her up today the teacher said she "had a good day" and even "had a conversation with Gabriella for almost 10 mins" today. I was in shock! I managed to get Kaitlyn to talk about the said "conversation" and she didnt seem all that happy about it. I asked what she was talking about with the other girl and she told me "Apples." Well, if they were talking about apples, K would have talked for a week lol. But, still, Kaitlyn didnt seem all that happy with the conversation, she was telling me how the girl "just couldn't listen" (K's way of saying someone wasnt listening) and that "she wanted me to come to her house to have apples for a snack but she couldnt listen and I dont want to go to her house for any snack since we have snack here at school and I dont have two snacks in a day, only here at school." So she seemed upset and it makes me wonder what SHE thinks this little exchange was... a conversation? and argument? What, in the eyes/mind of my daughter, could this exchange of words mean????? I wish I could ask around inside that little head of hers!! lol :)

Ah well... she talked to someone today... two someones actually because she, first, told the teacher that she wanted off the SeeSaw and the teacher told her to just tell Sarah (one of the other girls on it) that she wanted off so, of course, Kaitlyn did. It seems she is still learning the rules of when it is ok to talk to other kids and when it isn't... I know she will learn!

Sooooooooooooooooo after school, Tyler and I picked Kaitlyn up and had some errands to run. First we decided to stop and have lunch and while we're sitting in Wendy's, eating our chicken, there is only one other gentleman sitting (about 5 ft away) near us. You have the scene, here is the dialogue:

Kaitlyn: "Mommy, that people over there eating lunch like us"

Me: "Yes, honey, it's lunchtime and everyone here is eating lunch, just like us"

Kaitlyn: "No, mommy, THAT people *pointing to the man near us* sitting THERE"

Me: "Kaitlyn, honey, it's not nice to point..."

Kaitlyn: *sitting up higher to point at him better over her brother*

Me: Kaitlyn, sweetheart, it is in appropriate to point at people, please stop that"

Kaitlyn: "but mom, that people, him, HE, THAT one, sitting there *nodding her head in his directions* sitting there, eating like us..."

Me: "K, shhhhhh, don't talk so loud"

Kaitlyn: "he's weird looking"

Me: *sigh!!!!* "Kaitlyn that's not nice, please be quiet"

Kaitlyn: "but Mama, HIM, HE... *nodding her head again*"

Me: "Kaitlyn, it's not nice to talk about people. Please stop talking!"

Kaitlyn: "But, Why?... he's weird looking."

Me: *sigh*

Oh MY! That was awkward!!!!! What a wonderful conversation!! LOL :) Boy... we were soon out of there after she let half the restaraunt know that she had to go potty, as well.

Overall, today hasnt been that bad we had some moments doing errands but I let her do a LOT of helping today and took my time (there was no rush) and let her take her time and do what she needed to make it through the stores without issue. She had to stack the cans and count the cans and make a tower and put things in certain places... all of which I gave into so that we got through peacefully and we did!! :)

Made it home and she has been playing her video game and coloring and chatting a little with me. We'll see how the rest of the night goes and I think I'm going to do a long bedtime transition tonight so that we dont have any tantrums today.

Anyway, she just came in reminding me that we're supposed to make Brownies! So off her and I go to make some tastey No Sugar Added Brownies!! YUM!!!

It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood!

If only everyday could be like today when my lovely daughter is behaving like a normal kid! WOOT! Today I kept Kaitlyn home from school today and I took both kids to the Dr because the whole house is sick. K has another throat infection though negative for Strep, YAY!

Anyway today has been wonderful even though I'm sick as heck! She has been so good and behaving like a 4yr old should! Ya know, I've had the few "no's" from her and little "I want to be in control" things but that is so normal I actually look forward to that rather than the screaming!

So, today is a beautiful day in the neighborhood and tomorrow we're back to school... so we'll see!

and the Saga Continues...

So at school today, besides going to the bathroom (#2) TWICE, Kaitlyn was pretty good and was interacting! Though when I picked her up I could see how worked up she was and she was yanking on my arm and raising her voice to me starting up a tantrum as the poor teacher is trying to tell me how things went and what happened with the "accidents." By the time we got to the car we were in a meltdown and Kaitlyn's behavior had escalated to kicking, screaming and crying in her booster seat the entire way home from school.

I just had tears in my eyes because I knew she just needed to let out the "overstimulation" or "anxiety" or whatever it was that she was feeling and had no idea how other than to blow up once she was safely with mommy who loves her no matter what. I really think thats why only a select few have seen these screaming fits because Kaitlyn holds it all in until she has to "blow" and it's usually at home with mommy and/or daddy since it IS safe here with us. We wont be mad at her for having them or anything.

Anyway, I did try VERY hard to figure out just what it was she was feeling and unforunately she couldn't/wouldn't talk to me during her screaming... she even screamed at me "I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU RIGHT NOW!!!!!" So I sat there, mouth closed with tears in my eyes and drove home. She continued the behavior but only for a short time after getting into the house... something (daddy?) changed the situation and she had a whole new thing to deal with so the behavior changed.

So far this evening no real issues have come up so thats good! She spent a lot of time alone doing her PuzzleBuzz books alone and really enjoyed herself. Then she has been watching a bit of tv since we had early dinner.

So tonight we're headed to dance class and hopefully it goes well. Doing all this running around every morning is killing me so we're looking to switch dance to Wed nights so Saturday can be our do nothing day! :)

Enlightenment

I just watched a video on YouTube from a teenager with Asperger and he really described something in an awesome way!! Since Asperger is neurological issue he put it this very simple way. Parts of his brain have not developed as quickly as others have and the creative part and/or the thinking part have developed much faster than the Social, Anger Management and other parts... that right there explains Asperger's so well. In a not so clinical way and I just thought I would share that. It's why our Aspie's can seem so smart but then get into fights or arguments or have full on tantrums.

Anyway.. it's about time to get the kids dressed so Kaitlyn can get off to school!

A New Week Begins

Well we are officially starting our first Full week of Preschool without interruptions (no Dr appts, or no school days). I have to say... it hasn't started off all that well! Jon picked Kaitlyn up from school today and was handed a bag of dirty panties because Kaitlyn had, according to the teacher, "forgotten to go because she was playing." Which actually worries me because K doesnt usually forget... that usually happens because she is stressed about something and I'm very curious to know what happened in School today. She also did it again at home so that tells me even more that it's stress and not just an "oops!"

She was fussy and fighting and crying and ultimately screaming a hissy fit for about an hour and a half about having quiet time/nap time though after being carried upstairs again, kicking and screaming, she ended up falling asleep around 2:30pm. I really think she was stressed out about something today and the only way to get it out was to finally "blowing her top." I hate that sometimes that is her only option - as of yet - but I guess thats how it has to be until she can learn to express herself better or easier.

I am just wondering if at school they tried some "back and forth" type play with the kids and that stressed her out or something. She did tell me that she didnt play the computer at school today and maybe that feels safe to her and she was stressed because she didnt get that today. I have no idea but I wish I could be there to observe an entire day of her at school to see what really happens.

Oh well since she is napping now we will see how the evening goes after she wakes up. Hopefully she will be reset and not rev'd up!