Kaitlyn's been doing alright for the past few days... until today. I'm not sure if it's because I forgot to give her her meds first thing this morning or just because the plans (Mommy's anniversary surprise for Daddy and Family) she knew about got squashed for yesterday. She was the most upset about not being able to go for the special family time I'd planned and cried and cried but then seemed to get over it. Then this morning she has been acting all silly and goofy and then ended up in a screaming tantrum for about 30 mins which then led to not going outside and a Time Out. Maybe she just needed to get that out because now she is calmly and quietly sitting at the dining room table coloring.

So I spoke to the Therapist that goes to Kaitlyn's school to see her and mentioned a few things to her and one thing she asked me to look for during K's "play" was that when her toys have an issue come up does Kaitlyn come up with solutions. The answer is No! Since I got a few chances now to really sit and listen and then even with some prompting she has trouble figuring out solutions. We even give her a couple of choices and she will have trouble deciding but might go along with one of them.

Anyway, an example of what I mean... Kaitlyn will play with stuffed animals or her Polly Pockets and she will make them talk to each other (you can tell how bad she wants to have conversations with people but HATES that conversations aren't scripted or predictable! She would be a GREAT actress!!!) and then usually some problem will come up like Polly can't get her hat on and she (Polly) will be crying. What has been happening is that the problem comes up and she (Polly) will cry for awhile and then K will either move on to something else or she just goes on to another doll in some other situation or just starts a new conversation with Polly. It's interesting to watch and I've gotten to see her play out these "problems" with a few different animals/dolls now and each time the issue comes up but the solution never happens.

I'm not exactly sure what that means and why that is so important but hopefully the therapist can shed some light on that for me. If anyone has any ideas, let me know!! I'm curious to know where that leaves her social development/skills.

No One Would Listen So I Just Gave Up

So yesterday Kaitlyn went to the bathroom in her pants and she says she tried telling the teacher but "no one would listen so I just gave up" and the kid walked around with poop in her underwear all day and by the time I picked her up it was... well you get it... it was there all day her poor butt was red and sore!

I talked to her a bit about it and told her if they didnt listen she needed to go tap the teacher and make them listen. I told her they have extra clothes there for that reason and she needs to tell them she needs to change.

Argh! How did no one KNOW?!?!?!?

Inhibitions, What?

This morning after Church the Aide from Kaitlyn's Sunday School class comes up to me to tell me about class. He says they were doing a story about God coming down as a dove to sit on Jesus's shoulder and they used a picture board with a picture of Jesus and they set the dove on his head/shoulder and Kaitlyn asks "Did he poop on him?" Hahahahahaha Nice... just the thing my daughter WOULD say in Sunday school, huh?? Very funny but inappropriate!!

Ah well... that was the only mention of poop during Church so thats a good thing!! :)

Those Poor Poor People

Well I figured since I sold some of Tylers smaller clothes and got the money I would head out to the store to pick up a few things we needed and get some ingredients for a few dinners. Well Kaitlyn had to "go potty" 3 times and barely even went the one time I did take her. Then was throwing her "Mary Monkey" around in the store so I gave her a warning and told her that Mary would be gone for the night if she did it again, since she was not being responsible or respectful of her toy. So I turned to get some cottage cheese and when I turn back, who is on the isle floor?!?!?! Right, MARY! So I picked her up and put her in my pocket. Kaitlyn FREAKED and threw a HUGE screaming tantrum the rest of the way through the grocery store and the entire time we had to stand in what seemed like the longest lines in the world at that moment! There were at least 17 people that looked at me like I had a rope around her neck and was making her do it. I just looked back at them and smiled. One guy even covered his ears she was screeching so loud... I felt bad but I wasnt about to give in because of some old guy in the checkout lane! Yeah right!

Anyway, that was fun!

The whole Mary thing wasnt the only issue yesterday... since Jon picked her up at school she was tantrumish and I think that was the last straw. She was upset about things that happened at school and in general was having a bad day. The kid seems to be getting more confused about things with the social worker coming to see her. Ugh... this whole school thing is rough on her and she doesnt understand why the other kids "dont want to play with her" or why "they dont want to talk to me..." I'm not there to see whats going on but I wish I was. I wish I was there to help her or could get some feedback from her teachers. They are regular PreK teachers and are not trained to look for what I need them to look for or to help her with what she needs help with and that annoys the living crap out of me! AHHHHHHHH!!!

Anyway, she ended up being very tired today, fell asleep in the car at like 5:30pm and then both kids went to bed early. I think she is getting sick again. I just wish I didnt feel so helpless sometimes.

Sweet Little Girl

I found out last night that Kaitlyn (and her OCD) is such a sweet little girl! She was in the bathroom before bed, taking FOREVER, supposed to be brushing her teeth and going potty. Well I started to get irritated that she was in there so long, thinking she was screwing around I told her "Ok, Kaitlyn, you're done now!" kinda firmly. Then we went about heading up to bed.

Well a little while later I went into the bathroom to go myself and sat down on the toilet and looked at the toilet paper roll... I was just in awe and said to myself "what a sweet little girl!" Why, you ask? Well... someone's little brother a bit earlier had gone in and unrolled a ton of toilet paper on the floor and I was getting them ready for bed so I figured I would just take care of it (roll it back up) after I got them to bed. Well... THAT is what took her so long in the bathroom... she spent all that time rerolling up the toilet paper from the floor AND going potty and brushing her teeth before bed!! She's such a sweetheart!! I'm sure she did it because of the whole ocd and thats not how the toilet paper should be but it was still awesome! :) She made me smile with something so simple without even knowing it!

Though when she woke up this morning I told her how wonderful it was and thanked her!!

I Can See Clearly Now the Rain is Gone

First I want to start off, because I totally forgot about this yesterday, with what Kaitlyn was asking in the car on the way to the mall!!! OMG! We're driving on the way there and all of a sudden from the backseat we hear Kaitlyn ask something... at first we didn't really hear her so I asked her to repeat herself - and got scolded! "I was asking DADDY!" Well... excuse me! lol Anyway, so she asks (after taking the loooooong sentence around) "how do they get the meat from cows?" WHAT?!?!?! I looked at Jon with bugged out eyes... because, like we're really going to tell her HOW they get the meat from cows? Anyway, daddy says "there are different parts of a cow where different kinds of meat comes from..." you KNOW that wasn't good enough lol She starts again... "No, no, no, Daddy... but HOW does the meat COME from the cow. Cows make milk, I know... but where does the meat come from?" Well this type of questioning went on awhile and we kept trying to get around it but finally Jon came to the answer of "well, I dont get the meat from the cow so I'm not sure exactly HOW." And I added, for good measure, maybe when you are older you can ask a chef! LoL It was crazy... she really wanted to know!

So on to the post! This morning seemed great, it's Tuesday and K loves school on Tuesday with the one teacher and only six kids! YAY! She got there, changed into her sneakers and went into the gym without a hitch! YAY again! Then... DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN... I picked her up. We got there and she was getting her coat on and changing into her snow boots and all that and then was yanking on me to get out of there as if she couldnt leave fast enough. She had the blankest look on her face, almost mopey and I asked her how her day was... she just kept her head down and said "boring." Which, DING! DING! DING! mom knows, is her default word for any "bad feeling." So... I tried to get it out of her on the way to the car, what was wrong but all I got was that she was "tired (yeah I could see that) and bored." Finally, IN the car, the truth comes out. I got her talking about her day with our *Rule: Must tell us 1 thing about your day. So she told me... and she was SOOOOO sad!!! She said "I tried to play and tried not to but I got frustrated." OMG OMG OMG OMG I'm freaking out that she is actually TALKING ABOUT HER FEELINGS!!!! YAY!!!!! So, holding it together, I questioned a little more and got what I needed! she finally, today, after all this time was able to tell me that she had a hard time playing with the other kids!!! Sounds stupid to be excited about that but it just means she is starting to understand it... that that type of thing doesnt come easy for her... that she will need help with it and will need to work on it! YAY!!! She's GETTING it!!! She's only FOUR!!! hahahaha

Ok so what I managed to get out of it all was that she had a fine time playing in the gym since it wasnt much back and forth play. Then they went up to the classroom and while they were playing playdoh and she asked for things and they were given to her or was doing things her way she was fine. THEN it got to a point where she tried playing with the other kids (not sure doing what) and they wanted to play a certain way and not her way... she said it made her very frustrated and upset. So I explained to her that it was ok for her to feel that way and that, for her, it's a little hard to play with other kids and understand when they can be so confusing. It is VERY confusing to her when at one point they will do "her will" and then all of a sudden they have their own ideas and plans!! She doesnt understand WHY they wont listen to her anymore or play "her way."

Anyway, I'm just glad to see that SHE is actually getting somewhere in this emotional/neurological mess she is in. There is so much hope for my little girl and she just needs the help and the push in the right direction. I wish we could get her there but it's going to be a fight to the end and I see it now. Hopefully over the summer we can get her into the program at Crossroads and she will have a fighting chance before Kindergarten!

Some Days are Just That

First of all Happy New Year! And thanks to my daughters Preschool class she thinks something is WRONG with her because she did not "see the big ball drop" for New Years! She's FOUR - she was in BED!

It's been a strange couple of days. Kaitlyn must have cabin fever or something... she had a VERY strange "Stim" day where she literally would not stop talking or NEEDING to do something and pushing ever boundary. We tried some "Pillow Play," which is some safe rough play for the kids (they get to be loud and jump all over pillows and off the couch into the pile and Daddy joins in!). However, by the end of the night we ended up having to use "compression" on her. Well I mean Daddy had to restrain her (lightly) and just let her wrestle in his arms to try to help get the "need" out of her. I don't know if it had anything to do with us mainly playing inside and then I took them out to play in the snow and the fresh air "went to her head" or what but she was having a rough time dealing with whatever it was going on inside of her.

Then yesterday we decided to take the kids to the mall and let them play in the play area. It's just freezing outside and they cant get much exercise there. Well there was a little boy there about Kaitlyn's age and he seemed to want to play with her (and the other kids!) and she really wanted nothing to do with him and did get rather frustrated (breaking down crying) when he was getting in the way of her imaginary ice cream store. So Daddy offered up the suggestion of "Closing up the shop" as a way of getting her to stop playing the ice cream store (since she was in a climbing thing in the middle of a public play area and we really couldnt KEEP people away from it! lol) and at the same time having some closure about it. She went over to close up her store and said "ok, ice cream shops closed up for the day!" just out loud but not to anyone inparticular. The little boy yells out "No it's NOT!" and says started to get upset again and said "Yes, I'm closing up my shop" and the boy says "well, mines NOT!" He didnt seem like the nicest kid around but whatever - I'm not his parent - I dont think I liked her much either, but thats a whole other story! Anyway, what I'm getting at is that that whole thing socially... just didnt work out well.

Then I noticed a VERY peculiar thing!!! There was a young girl there (preteen? Maybe 10yrs old) and she started playing around on some of the equipment with a couple of other girls. I noticed Kaitlyn all of a sudden CLUNG to this girl. She must have said Hi to Kaitlyn or something and then K asked her name... cool! However, Kaitlyn then started mimicing EVERYthing... and I mean EVERYthing this little girl did. The way she walked, any sound she made, the way she climbed on something, sat on something... it was one of the ODDEST things I have ever seen and we had to STOP her because the poor girl was going to freak out that this little girl was following her around getting WAY too close in her personal space and literally doing EVERYthing she was doing. Kaitlyn must have taken to her because she really looked like a much older version of herself! She was thin like K and had brown hair like K. It makes me wonder if K was trying to BE that little girl... or emulate her or whatever it's called. She saw that the little girl had a relationship/friendship with the two other older girls that had come in the play area and I think she wanted that too! It was amazing to watch and scary at the same time... because THAT is why kids think other kids are "weird."

We did end up having to tell Kaitlyn that she needed to give the girl some space because she might "get bored" of her following her around like that... Jon chose that word because Kaitlyn understands boredom... he thinks had he told her the little girl would get annoyed that might have been a bad thing lol! It did work and she would only periodically do the mimicing thing and Jon would remind her to stop and she did.

She ended up, obviously, being triggered by the whole play area thing and finally managed a tantrum and breakdown after dinner and before leaving the mall. I ended up just picking her up and carrying her (most of the way - Daddy finished!) out of the mall crying over my shoulder. For some reason she just needed to get that out! I really think she felt better after... it was interesting to see and enlightening at the same time!!

In a Dark Place You're Likely to find.....

A MUSHROOM!!!! lol K got her mushroom haircut back and couldnt be happier! She forgot her glasses when we left the house so she looks kinda weird, not to mention this is a pic from my cell phone. She's so happy with her haircut and getting to go to the Salon and let Miss Lindsay cut her hair!

So today was a little bit better behavior day... I think the meds are starting to kick in. We havent had any major blow ups today anyway!

Waiting on the Meds

So I'm waiting on the meds to kick back in here with Kaitlyn. Today I had to run an errand to the bank and she had a huge screaming tantrum for about 20 mins because she couldnt draw some triangles right. Here I am sitting with the man at the bank in his cubicle trying to fill out a dispute form and I have a 20 month old sitting quietly playing with his mittens and a 4 1/2 yr old screaming, crying and flailing around in a chair because of her lack of ability to draw the way she wants to... oh the joys of Aspergers. I just apologized to the poor guy sitting there having to listen to that and explained that sometimes she cant get control of her emotions. Hopefully he doesnt think I'm a complete nut or what I'm SURE he was thinking... "Cant this chick control her kids in public?"

Whatever... I'm going to get a T-Shirt to wear EVERYwhere that says Proud Mother of an Asperger Kid. Then when people look at me funny during a tantrum I can just open my coat and smile! :) Let them go home and Google it!!! hahahahaha

Ok just had to get that out...

Sans Meds

So I decided to take K off the Tenex as I didn't think I was noticing much improvement... well... I admit, I was wrong! There WAS improvement on it... not much but after her being off of it a week she has been a terror. Tantrums (the long ones again), screaming fits, all around nasty behavior and not being able to control her behavior AT ALL. Maybe it has nothing to do with the meds, maybe it does... but we started her back on and will be putting her back on 1/2 pill twice a day. The past few days have me worn to the end and there are times when I want to give up... but I know, for her, I cant. She needs me even if she is treating me terribly. I love her and I will be there for her through good and bad... unconditionally.

She's also having an asthma flare up so we're doing albuterol & pulmicort in the nebulizer for a bit to try to get rid of the cough and then I think we will finish out the winter on the pulmicort once a day. She must have gotten a touch of the cold her brother had and then triggered the asthma. If she keeps coughing I'm going to take her in to have her checked out and let them help me out with the dosing in the Nebulizer... maybe she needs twice a day for a bit to get rid of the cough and yucky breathing.

Anyway... hopefully we will see an improvement in her behavior and I'm also hoping in Jan we can get her started with a private therapist, work on getting her more services through the school district and/or getting her into Crossroads so she can get some intensive treatment.

We'll just have to see how the new year will go.

Holiday Letter

Though I think this "Letter" should be rewritten for ANY time you're going to see family it really brought tears to my eyes because if Kaitlyn could, this is what she would be saying!!!

Holiday Letter
This article appeared in the holiday 1999 issue of ASAP News! (Volume 3.5) The Autism Support and Advocacy Project, and Potential Unlimited Publishing.
"Dear Family and Friends:" was written for the purpose of it being sent to relatives and hosts of holiday gatherings who might need a crash course in what to expect from their guest with autism.

"Dear Family and Friends: " I understand that we will be visiting each other for the holidays this year! Sometimes these visits can be very hard for me, but here is some information that might help our visit to be more successful. As you probably know, I am challenged by a hidden disability called Autism, or what some people refer to as a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). Autism/PDD is a neurodevelopmental disorder which makes it hard for me to understand the environment around me. I have barriers in my brain that you can't see, but which make it difficult for me to adapt to my surroundings.

Sometimes I may seem rude and abrupt, but it is only because I have to try so hard to understand people and at the same time, make myself understood. People with autism have different abilities: Some may not speak, some write beautiful poetry. Others are whizzes in math (Albert Einstein was thought to be autistic), or may have difficulty making friends. We are all different and need various degrees of support.

Sometimes when I am touched unexpectedly, it might feel painful and make me want to run away. I get easily frustrated, too. Being with lots of other people is like standing next to a moving freight train and trying to decide how and when to jump aboard. I feel frightened and confused a lot of the time. This is why I need to have things the same as much as possible. Once I learn how things happen, I can get by OK. But if something, anything, changes, then I have to relearn the situation all over again! It is very hard.

When you try to talk to me, I often can't understand what you say because there is a lot of distraction around. I have to concentrate very hard to hear and understand one thing at a time. You might think I am ignoring you--I am not. Rather, I am hearing everything and not knowing what is most important to respond to.

Holidays are exceptionally hard because there are so many different people, places, and things going on that are out of my ordinary realm. This may be fun and adventurous for most people, but for me, it's very hard work and can be extremely stressful. I often have to get away from all the commotion to calm down. It would be great if you had a private place set up to where I could retreat.

If I can not sit at the meal table, do not think I am misbehaved or that my parents have no control over me. Sitting in one place for even five minutes is often impossible for me. I feel so antsy and overwhelmed by all the smells, sounds, and people--I just have to get up and move about. Please don't hold up your meal for me--go on without me, and my parents will handle the situation the best way they know how.

Eating in general is hard for me. If you understand that autism is a sensory processing disorder, it's no wonder eating is a problem! Think of all the senses involved with eating. Sight, smell, taste, touch, AND all the complicated mechanics that are involved. Chewing and swallowing is something that a lot of people with autism have trouble with. I am not being picky--I literally cannot eat certain foods as my sensory system and/or oral motor coordination are impaired.

Don't be disappointed If Mom hasn't dressed me in starch and bows. It's because she knows how much stiff and frilly clothes can drive me buggy! I have to feel comfortable in my clothes or I will just be miserable. When I go to someone else's house, I may appear bossy and controlling. In a sense, I am being controlling, because that is how I try to fit into the world around me (which is so hard to figure out!) Things have to be done in a way I am familiar with or else I might get confused and frustrated. It doesn't mean you have to change the way you are doing things--just please be patient with me, and understanding of how I have to cope. Mom and Dad have no control over how my autism makes me feel inside. People with autism often have little things that they do to help themselves feel more comfortable. The grown ups call it "self regulation," or "stimming'. I might rock, hum, flick my fingers, or any number of different things. I am not trying to be disruptive or weird. Again, I am doing what I have to do for my brain to adapt to your world. Sometimes I cannot stop myself from talking, singing, or doing an activity I enjoy. The grown-ups call this "perseverating" which is kinda like self regulation or stimming. I do this only because I have found something to occupy myself that makes me feel comfortable. Perseverative behaviors are good to a certain degree because they help me calm down.

Please be respectful to my Mom and Dad if they let me "stim" for awhile as they know me best and what helps to calm me. Remember that my Mom and Dad have to watch me much more closely than the average child. This is for my own safety, and preservation of your possessions. It hurts my parents' feelings to be criticized for being over protective, or condemned for not watching me close enough. They are human and have been given an assignment intended for saints. My parents are good people and need your support. Holidays are filled with sights sounds, and smells. The average household is turned into a busy, frantic, festive place. Remember that this may be fun for you, but it's very hard work for me to conform. If I fall apart or act out in a way that you consider socially inappropriate, please remember that I don't possess the neurological system that is required to follow some social rules. I am a unique person--an interesting person. I will find my place at this Celebration that is comfortable for us all, as long as you'll try to view the world through my eyes!"

I thank, with all of my heart, whomever wrote this.

Bouncing Ball

Really this will be short... Kaitlyn was BOUNCING off the walls the entire day Christmas Eve and yesterday. I have no idea why she was acting out so badly but she was being rude and talking back and not listening. She was getting Time Outs over and over and just overall a complete mess.

Christmas morning was good, she loved all her presents.

Oh the Screaming!!!!!!!!!!!

All night... Screaming.... Screaming... SCREAMING!!! K is not feeling well and her stomach hurts but with her sensory issues (and flashbacks of reflux puking I'm sure) she cant tell if her tummy hurts to puke or poop and so all she does is SCREAM... why is that her only response to things.... SCREAMING!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH I can't take anymore tonight. I just gave her some Pepto in hopes that if it is one or the other it will take care of it and she will feel a little better and be able to go to bed and not be screaming out all night keeping her brother awake - or me for that matter.

I'm so terribly exhausted from everything these past few days and I'm barely making it to Noon before I crash from exhaustion. I'm heading to bed here in about 5 mins with the kids!

Wish us luck that this is just something she ate and she will be all better in the morning. She has dance and the Christmas Pageant rehersal at Church tomorrow! Ok off to get these guys to bed.

What a Tightly Capped Bottle!

Well we went to Long Island this past weekend and went into NY City to see the tree. There were tons of people, lights, we rode the train and the subway which were also cramped and crowded. Kaitlyn (though we know she needed to) did so good and held it all in and controlled herself so well! She was SO overstimulated but didnt want to lose control and misbehave. I'm so proud of her!! You could see she was a balloon ready to pop! She also handled having the family over Sunday morning to Grandma's like a champ. She was a little snippy and her brain was so stressed and she was a wreck inside she couldnt even think to write letters or numbers correctly. The poor girl was writing backwards because she couldnt focus! It was crazy to see her doing that. I was told the scientific reasoning behind that and it was interesting that I noticed. It's pretty much that her amygdala was getting all the blood flow and therefor there was only a little going to her hippocapmus. Yes, I've been learning about the brain lately!! lol :) Anyway, by the end of the day Sunday we finally got the tantrums we'd been waiting for. She had one in the bathroom at Grandma's for about 20 mins and then another one for about 20 mins again in the car while strapped in her carseat. She really needed those for a release but she tried so hard NOT to have them. I'm proud of her but then there are times where we can see how bad she needs to release the stress and tension and we WANT her to have a tantrum! It's all crazy!

I am going to be doing some more reading on this whole amygdala/hippocampus thing because it amazes me that I can see things in people and know whats going on and then there are scientific reasons behind what I am seeing and noticing. I really do need to be a therapist... maybe one day when I'm older and the kids are in school I can move into that profession... we'll see!

Lights, Camera, Action!

Well... since we went to Long Island last we've had a couple of rough weeks with behavior. Tantrums, nightmares and just overall irritability and easily set off. Just yesterday IN Wal-Mart Kaitlyn had the hugest meltdown. She started arguing with her brother over something - she didnt want him touching it - and so I took it away. My goodness did she ever BLOW UP! She was in the basket part of the cart and started crying (of course, thats normal!) and escalated to her kicking, screaming, thrashing around shaking the cart and all kinds of craziness while I simply walked along doing my shopping. I was sure to calmly tell her "her behavior is inappropriate" but other than that, I was unresponsive. It makes me wonder what people must be thinking to see a kid Kaitlyn's age doing that and me just walking along like nothing is going on!!! hahahahaha Anyway, all the crying and screaming got Tyler upset so HE started crying and freaking out... so there I was, walking in Wal-Mart with TWO screaming kids in my cart! hahahaha After the 20 min? or so ordeal little miss Kaitlyn was still upset but had run out of energy I think with all the hard work she was doing to shake around the cart and everything. She then just cried the rest of the time and began the begging me for a hug and kiss to make her feel better and she just kept saying "I'm sorry mommy," "I'm really sorry mommy for doing what I did, I dont like it," and "I dont want to do that, I was sad about the Candy canes, I'm sorry mommy." She was saying all of this VERY quietly while crying in the cart... not sure if it was REALLY to me or just her talking out loud to herself??? I wonder if I could get the Security tapes from yesterday?!?!?!? hahahaha Just to be on the outside seeing that happening would be interesting!

Kaitlyn did have her Dance Studio Holiday Party this past Monday (12/7) and they did the same dance routine as last year and Kaitlyn was so scared (she told me) she stood there with her hands to her face and didnt do any of the dance really... I spoke with the Dr about the drastic change from last year when she did EVERY move. We came to the conclusion that she is more aware of her anxiety - especially when she tells me "it felt like all the people were looking at me." So we'll see how the rest of the dance shows go from here. She did tell me she likes dancing on the stage just not on the roller rink, which is where there little holiday thing was. All we can do is wait.

Anyway, once again we're headed to Long Island this weekend so I'm sure I'll have more than a few days filled with tantrumish behavior once we're back. It's a short trip so hopefully it's a short run after! I hate when there are changes in the routine but we need to get this overwith so we can have a few weeks at home with uninterrupted routine to see how she is really doing. She is on .5mg of the Tenex in the am and now we added the pm. If we still see no change in her by the end of December we're going to pull back and take her off the meds and see how she is then and figure out what to do from there.

I've also been doing a lot of looking around into where we can get money to get her into the program at Crossroads Center to get her some real help. She is going to be starting with the Social Worker the school is providing today! She will be getting that whole 30 mins per week at school but we did ask the girl if she would come here, to a "safe" and "familiar" enviroment to meet Kaitlyn rather than just going to the school. I've also contacted a lawyer to see what kind of options we have as well... I'll update once I know more, right now everything is so "up in the air."

Oh tomorrow is also the annual trip to NYC to see the tree... I just KNOW thats going to be Sensory overload... all the people, the lights?? Yeah... thats going to be an AWESOME tantrum waiting to happen!!!

Mysteries of Moon Phases

I am fully convinced that Kaitlyn's moods are connected to the phases of the moon. It's a full moon today/tonight and poor Kaitlyn has been "losing it" all day and been having screaming tantrums about NOTHING. Tonight the biggest "fit" was about WHERE she wanted to eat dinner. She screamed and cried about not wanting to eat at the table. I'm not sure where it came from, either. Then after about an hour of screaming (she's started throwing things now too) she came to me crying and begging for a hug and said she was sorry couldnt stay in control (not exactly her words). The poor kid... had to put her to bed a little early (can only handle so much screaming), dragged her up the stairs screaming, put her in her bed - a few times - where she continued to scream and thrash around... all of that because of her brother touching puzzle pieces which I warned her of before she started playing with it.

We did just get back yesterday from a 4 day trip to Grandma's and I'm sure being all thrown off whatever sort of routine we had was hard for her and coming back to it must be harder. I wish there was a magic button sometimes to just make it all better. Hopefully after a couple days of being back home and back to the routine she will settle back down.

One Sick Little Mama!

For the past two weeks or so Kaitlyn has been sick sick sick!! She got the flu back on Nov 5th and that lasted about 5 days of horribleness and it never got better! She ended up in urgent care only to find out the Flu caused Ear infections and Bronchitis (well what was thought to be anyway) and she was dehydrated. She was put on a Z-Pack to try to get rid of the Upper Respiratory stuff. I tried my best to get her to drink and hydrate for another day and we ended up spending the night in the ER with IV fluids because of the dehydration. That is when we found out she had a UTI and she was then put on Bactrim. Well we finished up those meds and Kaitlyn was still coughing and tired all the time and complaining of pain and so I took her back in to the Pediatrician where we found that the Bronchitis was actually pretty bad wheezing and asthma and she was then (in the office) started on a Nebulizer with Albuterol and Pulmicort. She was also given oral Steriods (Predisone) for 5 daysto help the inflamation in her lungs. We have been doing the Nebulizer treatments twice a day for a week. During all this fun stuff Kaitlyn started complaining about her back hurting and it hurting to pee again so we found that the Bactrim they gave us was not the right med and she needed yet another script for Duricef.

Today we had a check up again for her and we need to finish out the UTI meds before we know she is clear and we started an Asthma Action Plan! We're going to continue the Nebulizer twice a day with only the Pulmicort, unless she gets a cold and clogged up and we need to use the Albuterol. This will go for 3 more weeks and if there are no colds in the 3 weeks we can stop the Nebulizer until she might need it again. If she does happen to get sick in the next month we might end up using the Nebulizer all winter. We did get lucky and the Dr's office had a mask so I dont have to hold it for her anymore! :) Hopefully she gets used to it... it's new so she's having a hard time but we will get there.

I think that about catches us up! We're heading down to Long Island to celebrate Thanksgiving on Thursday and for the weekend so we'll have to update again after that!

School District Meeting...

First of all... here is the low down: Kaitlyn will be staying in her current PreK class, and getting a social worker once a week for 30 mins to help her with some social play therapy type stuff. They want to do every other week at school and then the other week at the house.

So pretty much we're getting nothing. We were not happy (or completely unhappy) with the meeting. We felt bullied and not really listened to and were offended by some of the very inappropriate words chosen by Nancy. We did not argue too much with the decision, mainly because the Comittee Chairperson barely let us talk or even try to argue but because we were told that the 30 min visits would happen in the class and Kaitlyn would not be taken out of the class and made to feel odd or different. I'm not sure I believe it but at this point we're going to wait and see what happens.

I dont understand their thinking in not intensively helping Kaitlyn NOW since she is "gifted or a Genius" as they put it and she can learn now. They said that she will go in a Kindergarten class with mixed (Special needs & nuerotypical) kids and a regular and special ed teacher and that will be where she gets the most help... I'm not sure if it has to do with money (probably!) but I just dont get that part.

We dont think Nancy, the Chairperson, has ever been to Crossroads because she said her whole VERY inappropriate piece about not sending Kaitlyn there and why and she said "you really should see these types of places before you think about sending your child there." and Jon spoke up with "actually, we HAVE been there and saw the class that Kaitlyn would be in and we saw NONE of what you are describing but just the opposite." That was when her mouth about hit the floor and she started to stumble over her words and said that we must have gone at a different time then she did hahahaha it was quite funny, actually!

We decided to give this a shot and if this is not helping/working then we will set up another meeting and tell them she needs more and/or figure out what to do from there.

Regulation of the Circadian Rhythms

Hahahahaha wondering what that title means? Well here ya go!

Melatonin (pronounced /ˌmɛləˈtoʊnɪn/ also known chemically as N-acetyl-5-methoxytryptamine, is a naturally occurring hormone found in animals and in some other living organisms, including algae. Circulating levels vary in a daily cycle, and melatonin is important in the regulation of the circadian rhythms of several biological functions. Melatonin produced in the pineal gland, which is outside of the blood-brain barrier, acts as an endocrine hormone since it is released into the blood. By contrast, melatonin produced by the retina and the gastrointestinal (GI) tract acts as a paracrine hormone. The melatonin signal forms part of the system that regulates the sleep-wake cycle by chemically causing drowsiness and lowering the body temperature.

The Melatonin has been working GREAT for Kaitlyn! My little girl hs never shown signs of tiredness. Would never yawn and lay on the couch and say "I need to rest my eyes for a bit..." lol and now with the Melatonin she does all that and goes right up to bed (thats not to say she doesnt fight going up to bed or have tantrums - we still get that) and she doesnt play around for 2 hours in bed before going to sleep... she lays down and GOES TO SLEEP!!!! I just love it... it's so much better for her and me! She's not getting out of bed and coming out of her room to because she has to "tell me just one more thing." So I'm very happy that she is getting good sleep now. She's also still waking up at the same time in the morning and sometimes I even have to wake her up!!

There is one downside, if you will, to this sleeping so well thing. She has to relearn now how to feel when she has to go potty in the middle of the night and be able to wake up so we've decided to put Pull-ups on at night so we dont have to change clothes and sheets in the middle of the night every night! That was getting to be a pain! So we'll retrain her little body to know she has to go and that it has to wake up in the middle of the night to go. I think after that we'll be all good!

As for the Tenex... I know I said wasnt going to update until after a week but I just wanted to mention something. I'm not sure if it's the meds or what but this morning when I took Kaitlyn to school we got up there and there were a lot of kids and parents in the coat room. Normally she will hide behind me or under a table or something because she is so nervous... well this morning she was all happy and springy and acting like a little clown making everyone laugh! She even said goodbye to me and her brother and just went into class! It was the first time (besides the first day) that she has done that!! So... hopefully this is the side effect of the meds and she isnt feeling as anxious and stuff.

Yesterday Kaitlyn was having a "bad transition" day and when I was there to pick her up she didnt want to leave the playground and ended up starting a tantrum while clinging to the fence. That continued all the way home and I had to fight with her (literally put my body weight on her) to get her in her carseat while she was screaming and kicking. I do have to say that since we are handling her tantrums a little differently these days, the other two she had yesterday were short-lived. The one from school to home was the biggest and longest yesterday!

Progress, I say, Progress!!

Follow-Up in Woodstock, NY

Kaitlyn and I drove the 150 miles round trip today to Woodstock, NY for her follow-up with the Developmental Ped. We left at 8:30am and were with the Dr almost 2 hours and ended up getting home at 1pm. It was a long morning! The Dr says she is going to try to have Kaitlyn's report done by the end of next week so that I can take it with me to the School District meeting.

So after calling around everywhere today I finally found a place that had liquid Melatonin and we started that tonight. I'm not sure if it worked or not but I put both kids up to bed at the same time tonight and didnt hear a peep out of them. It was Tyler's regular bedtime and just a little early for Kaitlyn but we had a long day and she didn't nap. I think it may have helped... we'll see after a few days if it's the same then I'll know!

The Dr thinks (and we agree!) that we should try out something for Kaitlyn's anxiety. It's a very mild medication, Tenex, which is actually prescribed for Blood pressure but works great in kids for anxiety and ADHD. So we're going to start that tomorrow and see how that goes... we really think a lot of K's issues are anxiety related and maybe this will help her. We can only try and see how it works! Of course I'll update about that after we see how she does on it for a week or so, I think.

Other than that, we're going to try to get her in a different "program" for school. We're hoping for a "center-based" program that is specifically tailored towards the kids that need a certain kind of help and stability and consistancy and more one on one work. We'll just have to see where we go from here with the school district!

Time will tell!